Madeleine McCann: A Mystery In Many Parts

Want to hear a joke about Madeleine McCann, the four-year-old British girl who vanished on holiday in Portugal?

Portuguese secrecy laws forbid police briefing the press. So instead of facts and official news we get speculation and watching the parents, Kate and Gerry McCann.

When the story first broke, we were invited to empathise. Their Madeleine became “our Maddie”. A family’s private grief was turned into public spectacle.

Star footballers were signed up, as were Hell’s Angels, MPs wearing yellow ribbons and ministers meeting deputations. It was as if the missing child were this year’s Make Poverty History campaign. And then the official Madeleine Wristband went on sale.

In the Houses of Parliament, MPs were revelling in mawkish sentimentality, wearing yellow ribbons with pride. They cared. And they wanted one and all to know it.

At the Vatican, we were the voyeurs at the biggest show in town. Pope meets McCanns. Or, to out it in order of newsworthiness, McCanns meet Pope. Read More »

Dangerous Nation: A Review

This is a review of Dangerous Nation: America’s Foreign Policy from Its Earliest Days to the Dawn of the Twentieth Century by Robert Kagan. Vintage Books, November 2007 Read More »

A Conversation with Kochkar, the Loader

His name was Kochkar,
and for the past two years he’d worked as a loader,
traveling up and down the Nile with Hadhoud about five times a year.
His true field of expertise was botany,
which he’d studied as a forestry student in Cairo.
It was also at university that he’d sung lead vocals in a Sufi majmouā
that played the dark and sweaty clubs of Cairo. Read More »

The Conman’s Guide to Bagging an Oscar

I’m an “opportunity man:” a man that knows how to take advantage of the chances that life slings your way. It’s easy. You just have to know what to look for and how to think on your feet – it’s really very simple.

For instance, let’s say there’s a lady walking her dog in the park: just a pleasant scene involving exercise and loving companionship, right? Maybe so, to the layman, but I see pure potential. Watch.

Step 1: Cut the leash in half, and kidnap the dog.

Step 2: Wait for her to read the ransom note you scrawled. (Put a skull and crossbones on it. If you’re a particularly gifted artist, make it a dog skull, so she knows you’re not to be trifled with.)

Step 3: Payday.

Even if she doesn’t pay, you just scored yourself a Pomeranian, and at least part of a leash. See? Pure elegance. Now, let’s apply this same thinking to the movie industry. How does one get an Oscar nomination, anyway? Well, it’s actually pretty easy! You see, I’ve done a careful analysis of all the Oscar-nominated films in the last six years, and I know what it takes to be edgy. I call this the “Iñárritu formula.” Read More »

Thanksgiving, My Grace

I’ve been, naturally, thinking about the whole thankfulness concept, and what, in particular am I thankful/grateful for right now. I was reminded of the mess we went through with child #4 starting when he was about a year old. He had allergies, serious ones: to cats, cockroaches, and dust mites. When I say serious, I mean serious.

His skin was literally falling off in quarter and half-dollar sized chunks, like something out of an Austin Powers movie. In the creases of his knees and elbows the skin would crack and bleed. He itched ferociously, and we would wrap him in gauze to try and stop him from scratching. When I took him to the pediatrician, he (the Dr.) was so impressed by #4’s skin that he took photos of it to show at a convention (yay!… Not really, no).

The Dr. and I decided on a shotgun treatment: throw everything we can think of at the allergy in hopes that something works. That didn’t quite do the trick. When #4 was two, we were referred to a pediatric dermatologist in Atlanta. He was also sent to a pediatric allergist in Montgomery- a 70 yr old Southun Gentleman wearing a bowtie and in possession of a pocket full of suckers. Between the salves and other remedies prescribed by the dermatologist, not to mention the series of allergy shots (normally not started on a two-year old, but he was really, really in need of them), by the time #4 was five, his skin was clearing up. When we moved to Statesboro, we located another allergist, who tested him again and said his allergies were gone, the shots worked.

So… Medical Science… It’s a good thing. My son still has scars on the backs of his knees, where the skin cracked open, but the rashes, the horrible bleeding raw spots, the crying all night from itching, are over. What I have now is a happy, clear-skinned, long-legged eight-year old boy, who doesn’t remember the misery, puts his underpants on backwards, and dumps too much Ovaltine in his milk. Read More »

Slave to Fate and desperate men

On July 1, 2002 a Bashkirian Airlines passenger plane and a DHL cargo jet collided over the German countryside. Eyewitnesses reported seeing fire in the sky, a noise like thunder stirred the sleeping in their beds, and any desperate hopes for survivors were quickly abandoned. Seventy-one people lost their lives, most of them Russian children on a UNESCO-sponsored trip to Barcelona. Architect Vitaly Kaloev, a Russian citizen then living in Spain, lost his entire family: wife Svetlana, and two children, Diana, four, and Konstantin, ten (do NOT Google pictures of that family if you value your composure, the children are so… so… Well, you know how it goes).

In 2004, Kaloyev traveled to Switzerland, demanding a personal apology from Skyguide, the air traffic control company that admitted responsibility for the crash. Unsuccessful in his attempt to meet with then-Skyguide bigwig Alain Rossier (how dare some guy who lost his entire family ask for an audience with His Holiness the CEO? - That’s the way the world works, it seems), Kaloyev traveled to the home of Peter Nielsen, the only man on air traffic control duty at the time of the crash (Nielsen’s partner had gone on break). An altercation ensued, and Nielsen was stabbed to death in front of his family.

Although convicted of murder, Vitaly Kaloyev was recently released by Switzerland’s highest court. His sentence was shortened, and he was then cited as having completed two-thirds of it already. Last week, Kaloyev got a raucous welcome in Moscow’s Domodedovo airport. People who had never met him held up signs reading “You’re a real human being!” Kaloyev’s first order of business was to visit the family graves.

The Russian press has called what happened in 2002 “murder.” I don’t quite agree. Read More »

Living Las Vegas

Las Vegas only makes an impression if you don’t look past the illusion. Peek beyond the veil that the corporations have cast and its nothing more than a series of asphalt lanes and bus routes. For a tourist it bears the promise of endless pleasure, salivating strippers, heaving hedonism.

For a resident, on the other hand, Las Vegas is the fat black guy with dreads who spends his day time in the bookstore discussing politics (with a guy carrying a briefcase too big for his body) and at night moves to the 24 hour café; playing chess against the bespectacled white guy called “The Tutor” who makes his living hanging out in the university library, getting hired by students to do their homework.

The real Las Vegas is the stripper named “Ana” who came from Texas three years ago because her parents are dead and she is putting her sister through college.

Read More »

Love from Gabriel

I left word with God that I’d borrowed a book
off him when he wasn’t looking
– not one of the big ones, Read More »

Pirates and Parallel Parking

Lucy Peterson wouldn’t describe herself as the kind of girl who teaches Russian men how to walk the plank, plucks old ladies’ whiskers to gussy them up for dates, and avoids parallel parking…but she was that kind of girl.

Lucy’s life circled around four entities. The first was taking piano lessons from the aforementioned Russian man, because she liked piano and music helped her escape from the day to day insanities of her life. It was an unusual perk that Dr. Sabanov thought the KGB was after him and, because of his almost-but-not-quite-fluent English, constantly asked the meaning of phrases like, “You drive me bonkers” and “Walk the plank.”

“What is this walk the plank?” Patrick told me to walk the plank, what means this?”; “What is this ‘bonkers’?” Patrick was Dr. Sabanov’s other piano student. Lucy shared classes with him sometimes. He seemed nice enough (other than ordering their teacher to walk the plank), but she could never tell if he was smiling or not, due to a beard the size of a small mountain lion that smothered half his face. Read More »

Short Poems

Light Rain

the glowing smartboard
in the darkened room
of teachers Read More »