Last week on Agents of SHIELD: An angry Black man threatens to blow up a train station full of innocent people. This week: A mysterious explosive device is found inside an oddly young ‘Incan pyramid’ (it’s described as ‘almost 500 years old,’ ignoring the fact that, er, the Incan Empire was crushed by the Spanish about 500 years ago). Is it mysterious woo-woo Incan technology and an opportunity for a meeting with a Wise Native? No! It’s a secret Nazi plot! Or something. I confess, I started losing track over the course of the second episode of this outstandingly dull and amazingly racist series.
Bow down puny mortals to a world in which the uber-franchise is king. Where the yellowing pages of ancient comic books are bombarded with CGI radiation. Where heroes and villains escape the clutches of X-Ray Specs and the amazing Sea-Monkeys to leap forth and battle for the future of the Earth (and the best Disney action figure). Brace yourself for the Marvel universe in three dimensions. Stand to attention as the “Avengers Assemble.”