New Year’s Resolutions

January 1, 2008 – 2:30 am

In this Southern North American region, it is expected of the women to make impassioned New Year’s resolutions to lose weight and look younger. Some of us are sincere in our resolve, others make the proper noises because it is expected of them. Some of us make a plan of action, others just go buy a low-fat-low-carb-low-flavor cookbook and leave it out for people to notice. Society has trained us to believe we must behave so.

Then, I see on TV that Valerie Bertinelli has lost nearly all of her extra forty pounds (and she looks marvelous, too!), since she has done it already she won’t have to resolve to do it next year! She gets weepy and flaps her hand, and tells us all to sign up. I am happy for Valerie, because she’s happy enough to get teary-eyed and hand-flappy. I’m happy that she lost unwanted weight. Truthfully, though, ah…she really doesn’t look all that different. To me.

I do not intend to lose weight. I’ve tried, with varying degrees of commitment, to be rid of the fifty pounds that have been dogging me for the last six years. I have learned that the weight does not wish to be lost, and all the New Year’s promises to self that self will work out and eat spinach every day simply don’t work. My body is steadfastly determined to remain prepared for a famine, and all the salads and glasses of water won’t change that.

I also have a deep and abiding love affair with food. I absolutely love to eat, eat many and varied things, at all times of day. My latest discovery (I’d heard of them but didn’t know how to go about making them) are fish tacos. Oh dear Gussie. I used talapia, and a fresh lemony cabbage slaw and a horseradishy sauce….mmm. I had been told by people as far away as San Diego that fish tacos were a wonder, and yet I was dubious. No longer.

I also love Thai food, with it’s peppers and peanuts and vinegary sauces, and Ethiopean cuisine with its heat and nutty breads, a delicious rare steak with an Argentinean chimmichurri sauce, the list goes on. How on Earth am I to keep the required Southern White Lady resolution to lose weight if people keep introducing me to the pleasures of diverse cuisine?

So, I have decided to break with custom and forget the weight issue. I’m going to eat what I like, when I want, and however much I want. Begone guilt, pass me a doughnut. Instead, I am resolving something else. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, beauty, creative nonfiction, food, humor, north america, women | Comments (1)

The Sounds of Morning

December 2, 2007 – 3:10 am

I stepped outside for a few minutes about 6:15am. The sky was just beginning to lighten in the east, and the waning moon was high and bright in the west. There was a brilliant star (planet? I don’t know these things) just under the moon, and another one in the southeast, over the Willow Pond near the by-pass.

I’d stepped out with the intention of bellowing at Rosie, as she was being yappy and I can’t stand a yappy dog. The moon caught my attention and I stood there surrounded by the cool air, listening.

My neighbor to the west has a small building in her backyard. It has a little front porch, and dangling from the eaves is a windchime she made of old enamel dishes, small bowls and plates, with a few spoons thrown in. It was clattering softly in the breeze. I thought “good for you, Leisle, for having the courage to make something the entire rest of the world thinks is silly, and for being proud enough of it to grace everyone else’s morning with it’s dulcet chimes.” Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Arts & Literature, creative nonfiction, family | Comments (0)

Thanksgiving, My Grace

November 22, 2007 – 3:54 am

I’ve been, naturally, thinking about the whole thankfulness concept, and what, in particular am I thankful/grateful for right now. I was reminded of the mess we went through with child #4 starting when he was about a year old. He had allergies, serious ones: to cats, cockroaches, and dust mites. When I say serious, I mean serious.

His skin was literally falling off in quarter and half-dollar sized chunks, like something out of an Austin Powers movie. In the creases of his knees and elbows the skin would crack and bleed. He itched ferociously, and we would wrap him in gauze to try and stop him from scratching. When I took him to the pediatrician, he (the Dr.) was so impressed by #4’s skin that he took photos of it to show at a convention (yay!… Not really, no).

The Dr. and I decided on a shotgun treatment: throw everything we can think of at the allergy in hopes that something works. That didn’t quite do the trick. When #4 was two, we were referred to a pediatric dermatologist in Atlanta. He was also sent to a pediatric allergist in Montgomery- a 70 yr old Southun Gentleman wearing a bowtie and in possession of a pocket full of suckers. Between the salves and other remedies prescribed by the dermatologist, not to mention the series of allergy shots (normally not started on a two-year old, but he was really, really in need of them), by the time #4 was five, his skin was clearing up. When we moved to Statesboro, we located another allergist, who tested him again and said his allergies were gone, the shots worked.

So… Medical Science… It’s a good thing. My son still has scars on the backs of his knees, where the skin cracked open, but the rashes, the horrible bleeding raw spots, the crying all night from itching, are over. What I have now is a happy, clear-skinned, long-legged eight-year old boy, who doesn’t remember the misery, puts his underpants on backwards, and dumps too much Ovaltine in his milk. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, creative nonfiction, family, north america | Comments (0)

The Beauty Monster

November 4, 2007 – 10:37 am

I grew up in a family that did not hold beauty in much esteem.

Both of my parents were uncomfortable around people who fit the cultural standard of physical attractiveness. It’s not that they were particularly unattractive - it’s just that for them, brains were more important than beauty. I was raised with the notion that vanity was bad. Spending time and money on your looks was wasteful. Wearing clothes that emphasized your physical attributes was pointless, because “Why would you want people to look at you that way?” Living in University towns all my life kept me in the company of other people who valued brains before beauty, so it felt normal.

When I married and moved away (yes, I lived with my parents until I married. They didn’t charge rent and the food was free), I was suddenly in the company of people who habitually wore makeup, dressed (to my eyes) provocatively, and emphasized beauty over brains. It was awkward, to say the least. My practical and very modest wardrobe appeared drab and mousy next to all that radiance. My lack of makeup had people confusing me for the new Sister at the local Catholic church. I don’t even want to talk about my hair. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, beauty, north america, women | Comments (1)

Lectures are Good, but…

October 15, 2007 – 3:15 pm

You know what? Here’s what I’ve been thinking about. Life does NOT have to be one long, relentless learning experience!

I’m thinking of the parenting issue right now in particular. I know people online who are soon to have babies, and have expressed concern at ‘getting it right’ wherein being a parent is concerned.

I get that, I really do. I wanted to get it right, and for the most part my kids seem to have turned out OK. None of them are in jail; no one has gotten a girl knocked up (hush! I don’t want to hear it!), and they all seem to be relatively well balanced individuals.

I didn’t follow all the rules. My family doesn’t own the biggest, most excessively safe vehicle available. I did not feed the kids organic baby food. I didn’t research which pre-school would get them into Harvard or MIT. I didn’t even buy clothes from Gymboree or a similarly overpriced venue. I used a simple umbrella stroller, while the Escalade of strollers was taking up the entire back end of my special Parenting Magazine-Approved, Safety-Rated Minivan. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, family, humor | Comments (0)

A Southern Autumn

October 1, 2007 – 3:27 pm

I’ve lived in Georgia and Alabama since 1974. I was nine when we moved here during Christmas break. I want to describe life here, so people who don’t live here won’t think we’re all uneducated hicks…then again maybe you will, but if you do, I can tell you with certainty that we don’t care.

I’ve lived in both large and small towns. The large towns are, for the most part, pretty much like any other large town in other parts of the country. There’s ethnic, racial and economic diversity, opportunity for employment, even lemongrass in the grocery store sometimes! Small towns have diversity as well; it’s just usually not culinary diversity. That’s another topic, though.

One thing this town does right, and I mean that in all sincerity, is the Parade. Read More »

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