Pandemic shaming doesn’t work. In fact, it can be harmful. HIV prevention specialists have already weighed in on this. If you want a specific example, consider my paternal grandmother, an infectious diseases specialist whose job was to confront the unfolding tragedy of the AIDS crisis in Ukraine. Long after she retired, she lamented the fact that society, and some medical professionals, used shaming tactics against carriers. Ukraine still has a major AIDS problem today.
As Thanksgiving approaches, and Covid cases reach record highs in the States, I talk to people who feel a powerful need to shame others. Even when confronted with the fact that it’s counter-productive, they don’t want to stop. Why? It makes them feel better in the moment. It makes them feel on the side of the forces of good. It also makes them feel like they are making a difference, or else standing up for our beleaguered doctors and nurses. Or else they feel like they are having fun.
It seems like in a public health crisis, combined with a financial crisis and a political crisis, people will generally do what makes them feel good. They’ll just adopt different strategies. Some will flout CDC guidelines. Others will yell at the ones who are flouting them.
The bottom line is, we’re all just trying to get by. From a mental health perspective, that’s pretty normal, actually. It would be better if we had actual leadership on the pandemic right now, and it would certainly be better if we weren’t awash in disinformation, but things being what they are, we’re all pretty much on our own right now.
Putting outright psychopaths aside, we often forget that most people aren’t actively trying to hurt anybody in this pandemic. They calculate their risks and weigh them against their priorities and act accordingly, that is all. The process is further influenced by the sort of information they are accessing on a regular basis. If they’re spending their time on Facebook groups, reading posts about how crab people in the employ of the Illuminati are implanting mind-control devices in people’s face masks, this may further influence their behavior.
Lockdowns and social isolation can further contribute to paranoid conspiracy theorizing, even while being necessary from the point of view of public health. It’s tempting to make fun of people who become embroiled in this funhouse mirror “alternate reality,” or to even outright hate them, but the important thing to know that this temptation is ALSO a defensive reaction, and it’s not going to change things for the better.
So what should a potential pandemic shamer focus on instead? Try to make yourself feel good in other ways! Devote an hour a day to a hobby that you love. Reward yourself for not getting into a fight with anyone. Understand your needs and seek better outlets for them. Recall that if you’re trying to stand up for the doctors and nurses who are on the frontline of this fight, positive messaging and promoting safety norms in an empathetic way will actually help them more down the line. Remember that when angry garden gnome Ben Shapiro was wrong when he said that “facts don’t care about your feelings” — it’s actually the other way around! Feelings don’t care about facts. Before reciting statistics at someone who you think will benefit from the recitation, try to empathize with them first.
That’s if you want to or can even picture yourself trying to make a difference. Because, and let’s be real here, we’re all just very tired. Even Ben Shapiro seems tired. Like, I’m honestly beginning to feel for the guy.
Things are going to get worse before they get better — accepting that doesn’t mean giving up, it means setting realistic expectations. In the meantime, life goes on for those of us managing to survive. This has always been the case, in all of the dark times faced by this world. There are still good books and stars in the sky. There is still love, in all of its beautiful and frustrating manifestations. For me, there are also still fried pickles. To take the pathos down a notch, I’d like to inform you that I’ve eaten an entire bagful while trying to write this hopefully inspiring column. My waist won’t thank me for it, but like I said, we all have to make tough choices in a crisis.
Image credit: Will Folsom