2013 was an interesting year in film. The box office was dominated by big budget epics like The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, the ongoing war between Marvel and DC (spoiler alert: Marvel won even with its shaky franchise sequels), some Disney movie about an ice princess, and a Fast & Furious entry.
In the background of all this was a little company called The Asylum. Asylum movies have been around for a while. Their name is now synonymous with the “mockbuster” – gaze upon such sterling and totally not copyright infringing flicks as Alien vs. Hunter, Titanic II, and one of my favorite Kevin Nash starring roles: Almighty Thor (which is better than The Dark World, trust me). Yes, Lloyd Kaufman might even be ashamed to be associated with such schlock.
But you know what? The gag is on us, because Asylum knows we’re not watching these Z-grade movies for quality. We’re watching them for the laughs. For spending time with friends online or on the couch, equipped with only our best riffs. By the time they started up the Megashark vs. series, Asylum had struck deliciously symbiotic deal with VOD: we’ll make these movies for $2 and parking passes, you re-run them every midnight for eternity or put them up for rent every Halloween, and we make all our profits back. That’s how it was…
Until a little movie called Sharknado.
Sharknado was the culmination of all of Asylum’s efforts. Boy, did they go in on this movie. A $2 million dollar budget, a brief special run of theater screenings, D-list as opposed to their usual Z-list stars… all for a movie about sharks tossed up from the ocean by an intense aquatic vortex. In California. And beyond.
If you had told me this franchise would be six movies strong, I would have believed you as I laughed in shock. But it’s a labor of love. The Asylum did this for us, B-movie fans! And with the 6th and allegedly final installment premiering August 19th, it looks like it’s time for us to say farewell to that cyclone of sharks forever. While we brace for the end, join me in reflecting on this whirlwind journey of shark massacre and wacky celebrity cameos.
We start with the landmark first film, unleashed upon an unsuspecting world in 2013. Despite the infamous budget, Asylum stayed true to its roots by blowing that money on green screens and securing Tara Reid, leaving the rest of the movie heavily blue-tinted and still incredibly beer budget. But despite the writers’ best efforts to craft a SyFy version of a Lifetime movie, there’s an intelligent script lurking under all the marine mayhem. The plot structure closely mirrors Alfred Hitchcock’s psychological drama The Birds. At the heart of this movie is the drama between Fin and his estranged ex-wife April and their daughter Claudia. Fin is on a quest of reconciliation, redemption, and rescue in the middle of a hail of man-eating sea creatures. Every time there’s an attempt at reconciliation between him and April or a poignant moment between him and his daughter, a shark rudely interrupts. It is only when the sharknado – clearly representing internal struggle – is defeated that Fin is able to make amends with his family. Oh, and someone chainsaws their way out of shark carcass.
The frenzy around Sharknado was great, and so of course a sequel was commissioned the following year. Sharknado 2: The Second One hit us in 2014, and this time Asylum was a little modest with us. They put most of their money towards Mark McGrath and new varieties of sharks, like hammerheads. Oh, and more celebrity cameos!
Sharknado 2 evolves a bit by showing us a tormented Fin. He is still haunted by the horrors of the sharknado on which he now makes his living, he has to witness his newly-won girlfriend April lose her hand, and a Sabrina (1954)-esque twist is thrown in when former crush Skye reappears in Fin’s life. In reality, no one would ever say “no” to Vivica A. Fox, so good thing this is a movie. Interestingly, this is not Vivica’s first foray into a B-movie homage. You might remember her from a project called Kill Bill.
The sharknadoes return more powerful than ever this time, but with the sacrifice of Skye, Fin is able to defeat the shark-infested waterspouts and return to his normal family life. His hero story concludes when he proposes re-marriage to April. And then… Sharknado 3.
The celebrity cameos in Sharknado 2 were funny and witty, and most importantly politely sprinkled in. Who didn’t enjoy seeing Biz Markie fighting for his life and his pizza shop against errant sharks? Unfortunately, with the main plot wrapped up in 2, that left Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! with a lot of time on its hands and some leftover money. Boy did we get some cameos. Not even good cameos. Random cameos. Chris Kirkpatrick, Bill Engvall, flash in the pan twin pop group Jedward… and if that weren’t enough, Asylum had given itself its own competition with the long-awaited sequel to 2012’s 2-Headed Shark Attack, 3-Headed Shark Attack. There is simply no passing up a Rob Van Dam and Danny Trejo vehicle. It’s a shame that Asylum was spreading itself a little thin as this point, as Sharknado 3 is somehow both darker and edgier than the previous two movies. It combines horror with political intrigue and drama worthy of a Tom Hanks feature. Oh, and sharks being blown up in space. If only The Highlander II had sharks blown up in space.
Similarly, the following year’s Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens is extremely bloated not just with celebrity cameos but with… plot. Plot? I don’t watch Sharknado for freakin’ plot. This movie tries to stuff plot in a movie about sharknados, oilnados, firenados, and sparkling political commentary (Stacy Dash is in this). I hate to say it, but right about here the Sharknado franchise jumped… well, it jumped itself. Contract disputed behind the scenes probably didn’t help and the end result is something with a lot of something going on and that’s not even snarkable. It’s just… bad. Did I mention it’s just 2016 by now? Sharknado has given us yearly joy for three years now, maybe it’s time for a break.
Except Asylum did not take a break and instead released the Hamlet of the series, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming in 2017. It was a lot better than 4 at least. Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone watched it because we were all pretty sharked out by this point. To recap for you: April is mostly bionic by this point, and she, Claudia, and Fin get wrapped up in a post-apocalyptic global/time-spanning sharknado. This movie returns to the series’ roots while giving us cheap and new exotic filming locales. And a pretty cute story. Sure, it’s more Army of the Dead than Growing Pains, but look at the film franchise we’re in.
And so Sharknado 6: It’s About Time will finally finish the beloved franchise off. I can only assume in a satisfying and confounding way, but it’s been a fun, weird five years. So long, and thanks for all the sharks!