Expat Republicans and Reagan Democrats: Time for a New Party?

November 18, 2008 – 11:33 am

The Republican Party, not having gotten the message in 2006, has been slapped down by the electorate yet again, only this time with considerably more feeling. It used to be the Democrats controlled the coastlines, while the Republicans had the heartland.

Now the Republicans lost some of that heartland and saw North East Republicans become virtually extinct save for Judd Gregg in New Hampshire and the Pigeon Sisters, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, in Maine.

As a Northeast Republican myself and a very low level Gregg operative in the early 1980s, I am mad as hell about this, and I am not going to take it anymore. The party Ronald Reagan expanded with his big tent philosophy has seen fit to hire bouncers and toss various interest groups out on their ear. The few moderates still left in the tent, sit cowering in a corner hoping for order to be restored while the current powers that be seek to insult us by calling us wishy-washy RINOs (Republicans in Name Only.).

Well goddamnit. Let’s form the RINO party and get the hell out of here. I will invoke my imprecise recollection of what Alan Simpson had to say was the reason for his leaving DC. He stated he was startled to hear people say that to compromise was to be “wimpish.” He didn’t understand that, he said, as he felt his task was to go to DC and try to get something done, and to do that, you had to compromise.

If you wanted to write a book about the current Republican Party, let me suggest to you the working title of “Angry White Men and the Women Who Love Them” because that is all that is left. The cultural changes around them drive them crazy, and they make this measure of personal conduct their driving political message.

Screaming Howard Dean said it best when he declared that “Guns, God, and Gays don’t have a thing to do with running this country.” Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in election 08, north america, politics | Comments (2)

If the Democrats Win - Then What?

November 1, 2008 – 2:49 pm

“Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.”

That adage holds true for Barack Obama and likely for many presidents before him. Is it going to hold true for the American public in a couple of years?

We’ve had it with Republicans. They overreached, became increasingly unyielding and evermore narrow in terms of the interests to which they appealed, and they drove both our foreign and economic policies into the ditch in a stunning double display of ineptitude.

The utter irony of it all happens to be that the Republican candidate who had to go down with the ship was the only Republican on the national scene who for years decried the excesses of the right. Bush screwed McCain – and the nation – in 2000, and he screwed him again in 2008 by letting McCain take the fall for Bush’s incompetence.

The media cannot wait to gush about Obama. And the guy likely deserves it, as it is a feel-good story on many levels, and he does have very uplifting oratory.

It remains to be seen how the electoral college will shake out, but Obama should come in somewhere north of 340 of the 538 electoral votes out there in the arcane presidential electoral process. Likewise, he should enjoy a filibuster-proof senate majority while picking up another 20 to 30 congressional seats.

The nation, in short, is throwing the Democrats the car keys saying, “Here you go. Don’t screw it up.”

And that is the problem for the Democrats. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Business World, election 08, north america, politics | Comments (2)

Another Parenting Pitfall: Childhood Confessions and Dentist Bills

September 15, 2008 – 4:33 pm

Veteran parents argue that you never stop worrying about your children, which makes one wonder how George and Barbara Bush get to sleep at night. I sense, too, that part of the ongoing parental worry comes from the insidious mind game older children can play on you by leaking dribs and drabs of “the real story” to you at their leisure regarding incidents long forgotten in the dim recesses of our addled parental minds.

My wife and I have just recently experienced this first hand. Our youngest son had a dead front tooth and needed a root canal. The dentist had dutifully mentioned this to us six months ago, and my wife was surprised to hear this when she brought in son #3 for his check-up. The dentist had made a huge mistake, you see, those six months ago. He hadn’t talked to my wife, nor had he left a message on the machine.

He talked to me at length about it, and I forgot to pass the information along. Oops. But, hey, a dead tooth is just a dead tooth, right?

This incident gave my wife another opportunity to remind me of my parental incompetence, and also resulted in our son confessing the real way in which he hurt his tooth. The original story had him telling us that he ran into a door.

I, of course, do not recall this moment in our parenting past, but my wife remembers it and recalls wondering how he could have been so clumsy as to literally ram his front tooth into the door. Perhaps my lack of recall stems from the fact my children have ground me down to the point where nothing they do surprises me anymore. Nothing. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, family, humor | Comments (0)

Sarah Palin: The Female Dan Quayle

August 29, 2008 – 11:33 am

“Dan Quayle in a pantsuit.”

That’s what I thought the minute I found out that Sarah Palin will be the Vice Presidential nominee on the Republican ticket with John McCain. She’s young, she has been Mayor of a small town, and is now a first term governor - not a tremendously impressive resume.

But she’s also a woman, shoots a gun, and is pro-life.

This is blatant pandering at its worst, and a huge mistake for John McCain. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Current Affairs, election 08, north america, politics | Comments (13)

Obama: The Beginning of the End or the End of the Beginning?

June 5, 2008 – 6:53 am

Gerry Ford first addressed the country as President after Dick Nixon left office by saying: “My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.”

Tuesday night had me thinking the same thing. Barack had finally driven a wooden stake through the Clinton campaign.

But is the national nightmare over or just heating up? After months of seeking to destroy the party for her personal gain, she is now trying to get herself on the undercard as Veep under the auspices of taking one for the team to unite the party.

The last thing Barack Obama needs is to have Hillary and Bill as the Vice President and Lounge Lizard in Waiting.

One never knows when a Bill eruption will hit. We tolerated that fraternity hijinks when he was president, as he was actually a pretty damn good politician. We don’t need that nonsense from the spouse of the person holding the job described as not being worth a warm bucket of spit. He’d be like the drunken ex-boyfriend crashing the wedding.

Assuming he can sidestep the elephant in the room to take on the elephant party, what can we expect in the way of spin between the two parties? Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Current Affairs, election 08, north america, politics | Comments (0)

A Morning in the Life: John McCain

May 25, 2008 – 4:51 am

In some Best Western on the campaign trail in Red State America, the Republican Standard Bearer awakens.

“Psst,” he says, nudging his wife. “Psst. Cindy? Are you awake?”

“John, it’s 4:30 in the morning. Unless you took that pill and hour ago, there’s no way we can have sex and still be ready for the campaign bus. Remember the last time we tried this and you knocked the donuts off the table? It gave Candy Crowley the wrong idea.”

“No, no, not that,” John says in a huff.

“What is it?”

“Jesus, Cindy, pinch me. Can you believe this?”

“Believe what?”

“I have no right being in this thing. Those right-wing jihadists and their chucklehead cheerleader in the White House screwed things up so badly, I figured I’d be going down to a bigger defeat than Alf Landon against FDR in the middle of the Depression.”

“Why? Were you a staffer on Alf’s campaign?”

“Don’t be a smartass. But how in the hell am I in this thing? We’re losing safe seats in special elections suggesting an ax-handling of epic proportions, yet I am even in the polls with either that latte-drinking dilettante or Madam Defarge and the lounge lizard she married. How can this be when the country hates Republicans?”

“You hate them too, honey.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a maverick, I get it. But I am still in the party of George Bush, and the only guy happy with him right now is Jimmy Carter because he is finally going to be off the hook. When a president steps on his own dick or her own boob, people will no longer mutter ‘this is the worst president since Jimmy Carter.’ They’ll mutter, ‘this is the worst President since George W. Bush.’ That pompous old coot Carter managed to live long enough to see someone actually raise the bar on presidential incompetence.”

“Aren’t you getting a little confused, like that Sunni, Shia thing Lieberman bailed you out of? Don’t you mean lower the bar?” Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Broken News, Current Affairs, election 08, humor | Comments (0)

The Black Beast Rides No More

April 5, 2008 – 4:43 am

Having an attachment to an inanimate object gives me pause, but I have such an attachment nonetheless.

See, we’ve finally given the family transport vehicle, a 1994 black Suburban, otherwise known as the Beast, its walking papers. With one child in college and another soon to follow, we no longer have the need to cart six people around. This, oddly enough, has made me sad.

The Beast was quite the rig in its day. I distinctly remember being impressed with the two-zone heating system, noting that it wasn’t until my third move that I had such a feature in my house. Alas, the new features out there seem to have eclipsed the Beast.

There’s no DVD player for long drives, meaning that the annual, 400 mile trek to Mt. Ste. Anne in Quebec would quickly try the patience of the driver as children stuffed in against food boxes would tire of staring out at the flat, barren fields shortly after getting over the border.

We attempted to solve the problem with a portable TV/VCR combination that sat on the console between the driver and front passenger seat. It was great for the children, but the speaker on the television was on the rear left of the set, meaning it was loudest for the individual who wanted to listen to it the least.

This configuration likely shaved a few points off my license. One year, I distinctly remember coming up over a rise on 93 shortly after getting on it from 91 in St. Johnsbury and casually passing a trooper going 90 MPH or so, then simply pulling over to deny said trooper the thrill of the chase. My wife was certain I was a dead man, as was I.

The trooper sidled up to the car and looked in to three pre-teen boys at attention and a three-year-old girl with tears running down her cheeks. The Trooper asked how fast I was going, and I managed to give him an estimate that was five miles in excess of what he had clocked me at on his radar, causing him to compliment me on my reaction time.

He then asked me if there was a reason for being in such a hurry. I am not sure what look I had on my face, but what I was thinking is not printable. I managed to maintain my civility and said, “Well, we are coming from Quebec and are about halfway home. We had to pry my daughter out of the McDonald’s fun house kicking and screaming about 10 miles back and, frankly officer,” I said, tapping the TV/VCR that was my perpetual arm rest, “You can only listen to Thomas the Tank Engine on continuous loop for so long, you know?” Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, family, humor, north america | Comments (0)

Heartbreak Hill: Will It Be Clinton or Obama?

March 13, 2008 – 5:53 am

Around mile 20 of the 26 mile Boston Marathon, runners come upon an incline called Heartbreak Hill. They hit a fatigue point at a time when the course calls for some tough slogging before the stretch run to the finish line. Rookie runners are known to pull out in agony at this point in the race.

Has our presidential election cycle reached a Heartbreak Hill of sorts? We have about six weeks before the Pennsylvania primary with nothing major on the horizon after a flurry of primaries in a tightly compressed calendar cycle of about the same duration that was forecasted to settle the issue in both parties.

Instead, the Democratic primary remains very much in doubt, seemingly teetering on the brink of a knock-down, drag-out brawl. Prior to this, there has been commentary talking about all the excitement the Democratic race engendered with the first black man and first female as two viable candidates. It brought a slew of new voters into the process and has been heralded for giving our democracy a badly needed boost of participation after years of declining voter turnouts.

But now these rookie participants have to endure the kind of long, protracted campaign battle that galvanizes voters into opposing camps and disillusions the less zealous among us.

One of the two camps is going to lose. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Current Affairs, election 08, north america | Comments (2)

Birth Rank And Its Privileges

March 6, 2008 – 11:55 pm

From fairy tales to film, everyone is obsessed with the idea of one’s “firstborn.” But what about the lastborn?

For my part, I’ve recently discovered that the lastborn child has magical abilities.

Of course, you have no idea what I’m talking about right now. Allow me to explain:

At the end of a long vacation week came a ski day for my wife, daughter and me. Discussions went back and forth as to where to go. Mount Wachusett never became an option given it is an over priced, over crowded, underwhelming experience in spite of their advertising (I think the slogan should be - “little mountain skiing at big mountain prices: you might find worse, but you won’t pay more”).

Other options included mountains around two hours away. We eventually settled on a return to Crotched Mountain where my daughter has been involved in a thoroughly enjoyable school ski program, in stark contrast to prior experiences at the operation criticized above.

I hadn’t been to Crotched Mountain in over twenty six years and found it to be a thoroughly pleasant, small mountain experience that likely could use a few more customers. It’s a perfect little place to take novice and intermediate skiers without having to pay for the lift tickets with a financing plan.

So, on Saturday we loaded up the car for a little quality time on the slopes. We planned our arrival perfectly, we would have about 20 minutes before the lifts opened to suit up and get on the mountain for some early groomed runs.

There was, however, one slight glitch that became apparent only after we parked in the Crotched Mountain parking lot.

My daughter forgot her ski coat.

The equanimity with which I took this news astounded me. It was if I left my own body and observed this aging, portly man operating with extreme calm. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Society, family, humor | Comments (0)

Election 2008, From the Mouths of Babes

February 21, 2008 – 10:20 pm

Shockingly, my 15-year old son has recently become interested in politics. We’re not ready to take off the ski hat, cut our hair, pull up our pants, and don a coat and tie like Michael J. Fox in the 1980s sitcom “Family Ties,” but it’s a start.

Indeed, this emerging interest had me channeling Kenneth Branaugh in the remake of the movie Frankenstein, when said creature stirred for the first time and Branagh looked to the heavens and wailed, “It’s A-liiiiivvvvveeeeee!” Productive intellectual inquisitiveness in the teen male must always be encouraged, no matter how flickering the flame. Words must be chosen carefully so as to gently fan that flame, rather than put it out.

On primary nights, the lad has asked me to turn the television onto CNN “so we can watch the scores.” It’s not a logical leap from ESPN, I guess, and politics is the biggest spectator sport in this country, so I do nothing to disabuse him of the notion.

His comments with respect to Mrs. Clinton would sit well with her adversaries. He’s dumbstruck at how she can conceivably be trying to change the rules with respect to Michigan and Florida. “That sucks,” he says, “isn’t that cheating?”

Our discussion about Barack Obama struck me, however. Read More »

By Feature Writer | Posted in Current Affairs, election 08, family, humor, north america | Comments (1)