In spite of what never-ending social media hysteria has taught us, it is, in fact, possible to walk and chew gum at the same time.
To that end — it’s possible to grasp that lockdowns and social distancing have been medically necessary in the middle of a pandemic AND to understand that lockdowns and social distancing can wreak havoc on mental health.
There is an obvious reason why the extremist QAnon conspiracy scam has gained so much ground during the pandemic and ensuing crisis.
We can be flippant and blame it all on stupidity, or we can be honest with ourselves about what isolation can do to people.
We already know that loneliness is bad for our health. We know that technology, while helpful, can actually increase our loneliness.
Now add to that the fact that we have a culture of shaming, and, in our concern for the state of the nation, we regularly deploy it as a means of trying to get people to obey social distancing rules as Covid-19 continues its rampage. We are actually creating the perfect conditions for a bunch of people to simply start acting crazy, to break down.
Do you like Dr. Fauci? It should be notable that he doesn’t use shaming as a tool. Most medical professionals do not — because they want to be effective. Shaming can feel good in the moment — for the person doing the shaming — but it needs to come from a place of trust to actually work. Do we trust the people who shame us online? Hahahaha, what a dumb question, right?
Every society has a reckoning every once in a while, and a reckoning can be good for us, collectively and individually. But if we are going to learn anything from the metaphorical and actual flames that currently engulf us, we have to have a realist’s view of basic human psychology. Giving people something they believe in is crucial during a crisis. Crazy conspiracy cults do the job nicely! Trump does the job too!
What can the rest of us offer? If it’s just platitudes, we’ve already lost.
Maybe we can start by recognizing that it’s OK to feel bad, even paranoid, right now. Maybe we can begin to cheer each other up — and I don’t mean gallows humor, which my generation excels in.
Whenever my aunt sends me the latest Covid conspiracy rant she has found on YouTube, for example, I send her a funny animal video set to music. Brisk God has a ton of those on Twitter. If your own paranoid aunt doesn’t use Twitter, a video downloader for the platform is available, just google it. Start small. You don’t have to argue right now; you can just light your own tiny beacon. Offer some support. Don’t be a condescending asshole.
In bad times, there are always going to be heroes and cowards. But a single individual is rarely defined by one act alone. What we see of people on social media can be especially deceptive. What we see, in fact, can make us absolutely despair. But we can’t give up. Not now.
As I fight my own battles, which have multiplied as of late, I keep thinking that I’ll rest one day. The truth is, I probably won’t, so I have set up a calendar reminder to force myself to rest. And because I’m bad about taking care of myself, I rope my son into it as well — that’s why we now meditate together. I play a child-friendly meditation video on the speakers, we hunker down with a star project and our trusted, purring cat, and we give ourselves some time to go away in our own heads. And then we get up and do whatever it is we need to do.
My point here is that a lot of people don’t know when to stop. I’m one of those people — hence the goddamn calendar reminders to do just that. If you take a break from being self-righteous online, you may notice that a lot of people you despise are simply not doing so great right now.
You can delight in your neighbors’ misery, and say that they deserve it, and some probably do, but the fact is, they’re still going to be your neighbors, and if their house is on fire, metaphorically or otherwise, again, it’s bad for the whole street.
I don’t know what it will take to douse the flames, but I do know that understanding our increasing loneliness is a good start.
Image credit: Marco Verch (CC Licence)