All of us who love Christmas must acknowledge an uncomfortable truth: while it’s true that the winter vacation may be the “most wonderful time of the year”, it’s also true that it’s one of the most stressful and busy seasons there is.
Plus, there’s less sexual debauchery than you might think.
Whether due to the organization of the holidays, family obligations, economic burden, time pressures, food or alcohol saturation, it has been proven that interest in sexual activities declines in the days leading up to Christmas. This is evidenced by research conducted jointly by Stanford University and Columbia University, which analyzed data from 500,000 women, inhabitants of the United Kingdom, France, Brazil and the United States.
According to the study, cited by The Guardian and Business Insider Mexico, interest in sex declines almost entirely three days before Christmas. Data collected in 2020 reveals that this situation continues until New Year’s Day, when there is a significant peak in sexual activity.
If we are honest, at this time of year we tend to overexert ourselves and this obviously does not favor either enjoyment or erotic pleasure. Between preparations and expectations, rituals and traditions, family responsibilities and social and business events, couples often don’t find the right time to relax, connect and get intimate.
In this regard, a research report by the Kinsey Institute and cited by Miracle Leaf states that there is a correlation between stress and lower levels of desire. According to their findings, 63% of British adults think that stress has a negative impact on their sex lives.
If this sounds familiar, fear not. Christmas and sex don’t have to be incompatible; unlike many other types of negative stresses we encounter in life, holiday stress is predictable and controllable. Since we know when it starts and ends, we can take preventative action to bring back the kissing under the mistletoe and the holiday passion.
So here are our tips to rekindle sexual chemistry during the festivities.
Discuss sexual desires as early as possible
Good sexual communication is indispensable for a fulfilling intimate life. And the fact is, expressing ourselves clearly can avoid misunderstandings, frustrations, and erroneous assumptions that usually undermine sexual activity.
According to experts, having an honest conversation as early as possible – even before the holidays begin – gives us the opportunity to express our sexual needs without the interaction becoming too intense, inconvenient or inopportune.
After all, open communication will help us understand each other’s preferences, desires and limits at this time of year.
We know that broaching the subject of sex can be a bit awkward, and this is especially true when going through a busy period. However, if our partner has no idea what we want or expect in the bedroom, there won’t be much sexual chemistry during the holidays.
In general, it is recommended that both parties write down a list of feasible and practical sexual experiences they would like to have at Christmas.
Establish a calendar and schedule intimate encounters
Christmas, in particular, has become a very busy time, even when we have time off from work or school. We all know that the to-do list is a mile long and it seems like there is always something to solve, buy or improve.
Most of us go into automatic mode: we rush to clean and decorate homes, buy gifts and wrapping, socialize and prepare elaborate meals, organize trips and reconnect with loved ones. The point is, a holiday that should be essentially about relaxation and connection has also become a marathon period of chores, and on many occasions, sexual disconnection.
Admittedly, when the day-to-day becomes too hectic or tiring, there simply isn’t enough energy or room for erotic delight. When this happens, romantic relationship experts suggest that couples should be intentional, committed and set aside quality time.
Both partners should make an effort to prioritize affectionate and erotic space this time of year; although many people think that scheduling sex is not romantic or passionate, there is evidence that planned sexuality can be just as exciting and spontaneous.
It may not seem incredibly sexy at first glance, but, having full knowledge that a sexual encounter is going to occur has benefits that don’t go unnoticed:
- Creates a sense of anticipation, which contributes to increased desire
- Decreases the risk of feeling rejected
- Leaves room for foreplay, flirting, and innuendo
- Allows us to prepare the environment, lingerie, and even personal hygiene
- Guarantees quality time, without interruptions
Encourage emotional intimacy
Couples who want to rekindle passion and love during this time of year need to turn to each other and constantly practice “acts of connection” in order to strengthen emotional intimacy.
Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to foster connection with our romantic partner. Just being really present in the moment, talking for a while, holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling in bed, massaging each other, sending sensual text messages, and even giving each other naughty winks. In other words, it’s about spending enough time on any gesture or activity that helps lovers feel closer.
Emotional intimacy and “acts of connection” are extremely important in any loving relationship. After all, they keep the spark alive and make us feel “in tune” with each other.
In this regard, researchers and sex therapists have found that emotional intimacy can lead to greater physical intimacy. And the fact is, when we feel connected and secure with our partner, we are more likely to want to make love to them.
Turning up the heat at Christmas
A fundamental reason our sex lives comes to a standstill is a lack of effort on the part of those involved. In a healthy relationship, both parties should actively pursue romance and pleasure.
Too often, it can be tempting to let the other partner take the first step toward intimacy. However, taking the initiative in sexual interactions often has a positive impact on the dynamics of closeness and romance.
Here are some recommendations for taking the initiative and spicing up the holiday season:
Festive erotic literature: Sharing a story or an erotic book can become a powerful connector between lovers. This type of reading can be the perfect stimulus to ignite passion on these special dates.
Festive role-playing in the bedroom: Besides being a lot of fun, role-playing can also be an easy and effective way to keep things fresh and expand the sexual repertoire. “Get playful in the bedroom by incorporating festive roleplay scenarios. Dress up as Santa and a mischievous elf or your favorite holiday characters to add a layer of fun and friskiness to your intimate moments,” advise the specialists at Miracle Leaf.
Create special décor: Preparing a warm, romantic atmosphere often promotes emotional and physical connection. According to experts, soft lighting, silky sheets, fragrances and even music help awaken the senses and enhance intimate experiences.
Sexual gifts: The holiday gift-giving season is in full swing, and it’s the ideal opportunity to express sensuality and desire. Whether it’s toys, lingerie, massage oils, lubricants or bath salts, presents of a sexual nature should not be overlooked at Christmas.
Keep in mind that when it comes to gifting sex toys, timing and location are of utmost importance. It is best to give the gift in a private or intimate setting.
Olfactory stimulation: Aromatherapy offers innumerable benefits, ranging from calming the mind, improving mood, relaxing muscles, to improving sleep.
In the sexual context, research findings suggest that aphrodisiac essential oils such as cinnamon, Hawaiian sandalwood, Bulgarian rose, agarwood (OUD), jasmine, and ylang-ylang contribute to stimulating sexual appetite, sharpening the senses, and enhancing performance.
We wish you a happy and sensual holiday season!
Images: Ketut Subiyanto and Uriel Mont