When I was first diagnosed with scalp psoriasis, I can’t tell you the amount of times people have said why don’t you try this shampoo for your dandruff and I’m like yeah that’s not dandruff.. And they said they believed me but clearly they didn’t! Moving on, it reached a point where my skin started getting affected and, of course, being the grown-ass adult who has been living her whole life dictated by the society and the perfect instagram world that says that flaws is just not an option… I started to cover up…
My ankles were the first to be affected and then it was my elbows. I covered up again but guess what? I thought I could just cover up where ever it popped up and it would be okay because, well, if you can’t see it then it doesn’t exist, right? But then again, my life was never a cake walk! And it started creeping into my hairline slowly making its way down my forehead. There was no hiding it anymore.
Needless to say, my self-esteem took a hit whenever people asked me – what’s that on my forehead. I couldn’t cover it with makeup, no matter how much I tried to hide it, and the more I stressed, the worse it became, to the point where I didn’t want to step out. So my social life pretty much went to non-existent – not like it was that great to begin with – but it was starting to affect my life in a very negative way.
I still remember, a year and half ago, when I came across an article that spoke about the gluten-free diet for psoriasis.. Having not much to lose, I started my journey and slowly it started to clear up my skin. But it was leaving these white patches on my tan skin, and this is where the irony begins…
Of course, I was happy it was starting to clear up and the white patches… well, I could just dab on concealer and nobody would notice… but guess what? I’m not a makeup genius! Hell, I didn’t even know how to pick the correct shade of foundation for my skin tone and it’s still a wonder to me how some people can get the exact shade!
Now, remember I told you how people were giving me advice on which shampoos to try? Well, now people were just getting meaner.. I had people come up to me and say why don’t you try putting on make up to cover that up. So I would put on makeup and, let me tell you, that was sweet compared to one time when a friend of mine came home and I didn’t have any make up on so the white patches on my forehead were highlighted on my dark chocolate skin tone. He was like, can you cover that for me? It makes me very uncomfortable to look at your face… And let me tell you, I didn’t know how to respond to that.
He was a very close friend and hearing that from some who you trust is just heartbreaking. I can never forget running to my room to get a cap to put on.
I don’t know when it was that it changed. From hiding it to starting to not care. I’m not sure where the saturation point was – maybe it was that day – but I got busy with work and I didn’t have much time for myself and so I went from carrying concealer to work to reapply during breaks to just not doing that anymore.
I noticed I just wasn’t reaching for the concealer. And when someone asked me about it I would just shrug and say yeah I know. End of story. I didn’t want to elaborate or justify why my skin was looking the way it was.
End of the day, it was just me and my skin and if you don’t want to look at it, then don’t. That was my policy. I was tired of hiding it. I don’t know when I began to realize this but whether I hid it or not, people were talking about it and the more I began to be open about it, the less people asked me about it.. Of course, they noticed it, they just didn’t bother asking me anymore and they stopped telling other people that they felt sorry for me because guess what? People don’t like gossiping about something that everyone already knows about. So yeah, I really wish I had known that from the start. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. Because, at the end of the day, it’s you for yourself.
So, the other day I was out and there was this girl – a complete stranger – I struck up a conversation with her because I loved her boots. We started talking because of it. So, after some time, she asked me what happened to my forehead. As always, I shrugged and I was like “allergies”. This is something I have started saying if someone asks me. It’s one word and it doesn’t require any further explanations. So she looked at me for a second and, I kid you not when I say, she looked at me and she goes “everyone has flaws the only difference is some have them on the inside and some have them on the outside. So it doesn’t matter, you’re still beautiful.”
Honestly speaking, it may sound like a something you hear every day or something casual but, for me, it touched me on another level for many reasons. Even my closest friends were always telling me about products to use to cover it up and things to use but here was a complete stranger telling me it was okay to be flawed and that made my day. And of course it’s not like we became best friends after that but one thing’s for sure… I’ll never forget her or her kind words.
Hearing something that I knew already from somebody else made a difference like no other. Of course, that being said, I still do dab on a bit of concealer before I step out but I don’t feel the need to cover it up for the sake of someone else anymore.
Image credit: Photoshot