Netflix’s Unknown Number documentary recently introduced millions of viewers to a mom who catfished and harassed her own daughter, Lauryn, with text messages that varied from sexual harassment to explicitly telling her own child to kill herself. This went on for nearly two years before she was caught.
Horrific messages were also sent to Lauryn’s boyfriend Owen at the time, as well as girls Owen dated later, not to mention Owen’s cousin.
Kendra even went so far as to try to frame another high school girl for her crimes as local school officials and police were investigating the case.
The fallout from the documentary has resulted in the internet rightfully discussing whether Kendra Licari, the mother of the year in question, should have been charged as a sex offender in addition to felony stalking charges.
If you haven’t seen the film, you may not know just how bad Kendra’s messages were – but they were frequently obscene, and gleefully abusive, to the point that Lauryn’s mental health deteriorated severely.
Both Lauryn and Owen were minors at the time they began receiving the messages and Kendra remained undetected for so long that she caused genuine damage. It was only with the help of the FBI that the case was finally cracked.
We go on a lot of so-called pedo hunts in this country, it’s an entire internet genre, but I do have to wonder if Kendra Licari’s case, as shocking as it was, slipped under the authorities’ radar as far as sexual harassment of a minor is concerned. If some creepy strange man had been waging this campaign from his basement, I am almost positive that more charges would have been introduced.
The director, Skye Bergman, has recently told the news that Lauryn has graduated from high school this year and “is ready… to enter the next phase of her life.”
When I consider what that phase might look like, I can only hope that Lauryn, who told Netflix that she does want to eventually be in contact with her mother (as a recently released felon, Kendra is currently barred from seeing Lauryn), is very, very careful.
The internet loves to pile on the outrage, sometimes justifiably, and sometimes unjustifiably. But with Bergman’s skillful direction, Unknown Number makes one thing abundantly clear: Kendra Licari has not taken ownership of her crimes.
In fact, it’s abundantly clear that she is incapable of doing so.
Because I’ve assisted on many stalking cases (it’s my day job), I could spot the signs easily enough:
- At no point in the documentary does Kendra acknowledge the sexual harassment of her own daughter
- At no point does she acknowledge her obvious obsession with Owen, the boyfriend. It should be noted that the harassing texts were meant to destroy Lauryn’s relationship with Owen (and Kendra did succeed there). Owen himself tells the director that Kendra was always overly affectionate to him, to the point that he felt it was strange
- In the course of the documentary, Kendra repeatedly states that she did not initiate the harassment campaign against Lauryn and Owen, and began sending messages only after “someone else” began tormenting these children. This has been proven to be a lie, yet Kendra sits there, calm and smiling, arguing her case, gaslighting the director, the viewers, and herself
- The documentary also shines a spotlight on Kendra’s financial abuse of her family. While she was sending these vile messages, she was also refusing to pay the mortgage and lying about being employed to her husband. Kendra does take a moment to address this in the course of the film – by stating that her husband left all financial decisions to her anyway, the implication thus being that he got what he deserved
I could go on, but you get the picture. This is manipulation of reality by a sick person, who knows how to look nice and vulnerable by doing it. Bergman must be a very skilled interviewer, because she got Kendra to show her true self on camera – a narcissistic woman who is only sorry she got caught.
The word “narcissist” gets thrown around online a lot, to the point that we are becoming dulled to it. In this sense, Unknown Number is a great refresher on what actual narcissism looks like. It’s calculating and it’s self-justifying. Even in front of millions of people who are gasping in horror.
As Kendra’s cousin, who was also interviewed in the course of the film makes clear, Kendra really loves attention. Her young daughter Lauryn was a pretty, outgoing girl, a basketball player, in a happy relationship with her handsome high school boyfriend at the time. Lauryn stole attention away from Kendra, and Lauryn had to pay.
Psychology Today has a nice roundup on the cognitive disorders that Kendra displays throughout the documentary, which include minimizing the impact of her actions and externalizing blame. At one point, Kendra justifies her behavior by stating that she was raped at the age of seventeen and simply wanted to “protect” her daughter from a similar fate.
This is mind-boggling to any normal person, but having observed similar behavior time and time again in malicious stalkers, I find it very recognizable.
I also think that E.B. Johnson on Instagram has a great explainer as to how Kendra fits the profile of a mother who is a covert narcissist.
Again, I don’t like a lot of the narcissism discourse on social media, but this short video is excellent, especially as it delves into Kendra’s apparent need to have poor Lauryn kill herself – a mother with a dead kid would get a lot of attention! Everyone would feel sorry for her!
As the director has stated that Lauryn is trying to move on with her life, I have no doubt that Kendra is currently figuring out ways to use the online outrage to her advantage. Probably by further asking for sympathy, acting like the hate has gone too far, saying that the online mob simply didn’t understand the full story, and otherwise using normal people’s justifiable reactions to become close to her daughter again.
Lauryn Licari’s life is none of my business, but I do hope that she is able to maintain boundaries with Kendra should they make contact. This case has weighed heavily on my mind, because it’s all too familiar.
After the excitement produced by the documentary fades away over time, Lauryn will still have to navigate her existence as the daughter of a mother who seeks her destruction.
Narcissists don’t change their stripes.