Shipmates, the shark days of summer are upon us once again! This year’s 31st annual celebration is shaping up to be a banger and we ain’t done yet. But something feels a little… off this year.
Yeah, Shark Week seems a little empty without a Sharknado premier. As of 2018, the franchise is finally resting peacefully in its watery grave; over the past seven years, the series has become a solid staple to close out the week of toothy abandon and dare I say representative of Shark Week’s occasionally shaky (mad) science and increasing theatrics.
But Asylum Studios never had just one shark movie franchise. Instead of mourning our beloved tornado of sharks, I’d like to take this year to highlight the underrated series of Asylum’s shark shack: X-Headed Shark Attack!
(The mutant shark gains a lot of heads.)
The gift that is the Multi-Headed Shark Attack series was bestowed upon us in 2012, a year before its more infamous cousin. The X-Headed Shark Attack films are humble and unassuming, much like the villain antagonist: the shark. In a lot of ways the series is the polar opposite of the Sharknado franchise: for starters, there’s only one shark, albeit a single shark with a drastically increasing amount of heads. Also, the cast is firmly Z-List in comparison to Sharknado’s workable D-List clientele. Hey, sometimes the budget is there and sometimes it’s not.
But let’s look a little further into the first entry into the series. In the opening minutes of 2-Headed Shark Attack, we are introduced to our shark as it devours some hapless surfers. This of course is the first of many artful homages to Jaws. It also sets the tone for the films to come: who is the mutant shark and why is it attacking? The series has yet to delve into the mysterious origins of the shark, but it is hinted that the shark is a product of science gone wrong. The shark may also be linked to the earthquakes happening in the region. Do our scientific main characters bother to explore any of these ideas? No! They’re too busy trying to escape. That seals their doom and leads us to the sequel, in which our shark now has three heads.
Yes, just like the resilient spirit in all of us, the shark survives its apparent death at the end of 2-Headed Shark Attack and comes back to us in 2013’s 3-Headed Shark Attack. In this movie, it is hinted that the shark’s origins may be at least a little supernatural. Whereas the first movie fully leaned into campy, trashy fun, 3-Headed Shark Attack takes the premise a little more seriously and by accident or design creates a sympathetic monster not completely unlike Frankenstein’s creation. Wounded and angry, the shark ravages the human cast not out of some misplaced animalistic blood lust, but in the name of revenge. Speaking of sweet vengeance, this movie busts out the heavy hitter of roaring rampage flicks: Danny Trejo! Does he make it to the end? No, but almost. Did I mention Mister Monday Night himself, Rob Van Dam?
In the final act of the film, the indignity of getting ganged up on by wrestlers and Robert Rodriguez collaborators sends the shark into a spiral of depression, and it re-emerges with… five heads! Why not four? It had too much rage for four. At this point, I’ve never related more to a shark in my life.
2017’s 5-Headed Shark Attack opens with our shark with… four heads? What the heck happened? As it turns out, the alleged fifth head is actually the shark’s tail. I want to see this jawn flying around like a Starmie, then. Unfortunately, the 3rd installment of the franchise is surprisingly lacking in substance. The shark’s motives change again from confusion and revenge to the sheer joy of causing terror, possibly hunger with five heads and who knows how many stomachs to feed. And that’s perfectly fine, but after the one-two punch of 2-Headed and the haymaker that is 3-Headed, this entry remains the most disappointing so far. There could have been more. There could have been a shark frisbee. Remember that part as we get to the fourth and so far final entry of the series: 2018’s 6-Headed Shark Attack!
6-Headed Shark Attack rights most of the wrongs of its predecessor by giving us what we want: a ridiculous looking shark-beast, a serviceable human cast to get chomped up, some nice CGI scenery, and explosions. 6-Headed Shark Attack is a poetic study in excess as well, as only Asylum could do. The shark’s abysmal configuration and some of the more woeful SFX take on a pattern of deliberate repetitiveness. It is then that you’ll realize this film is a parody, not of shark disasterpieces but of us, the audience. It is a reflection of our need for gore and entertainment, to vicariously watch our tormentors of youth die on screen like any proper slasher fantasy. Except now it’s cruel. You and I once thought of ourselves as the apex predator, but 6-Headed Shark Attack says nay, we are the hunted.
That being said, so far 3-Headed Shark Attack remains the most victorious entry in the series and is worth watching as a standalone; so is 2-Headed. The series has given us diminishing returns since, but its entertainment value overall is high. And much like the villain antagonist the shark, there is nothing to say that the series is done mutating. The movies historically have a high incubation cycle. And now that the blockbuster of all mockbusters, The Sharknado Saga, is officially concluded, now seems a great time to revisit this fine franchise. Perhaps next year! Until then, happy sharking-hunting.