Splice: Parenting the monster

Clive Nicoli and Elsa Kast are rock and roll scientists, genetic engineers surfing on the flotsam and jetsam of their DNA experiments that just might hold the cure for “Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, diabetes and even some forms of cancer.”

The geeks shall inherit the earth and these two are certainly not the kind to shy away behind the beakers and Bunsen burners; no, these are uber-nerds who want it all, the money, the fame, the uptown “lifestyle loft” and they will do anything to get them.

Even their miraculous hybrid life form, created from splicing together the DNA of fish, snakes and lizards, is a means to an end for the bling-bling boffins. It may look like a phallic hunk of meat, but Clive and Elsa see real estate and their faces on the cover of more magazines like Wired reflected in its wriggling flesh, proving “where there’s muck there’s brass.”

Increasingly arrogant and obnoxious, the pair are brought down to earth when the plug is pulled on their Frankenstein experiments–even supra-scientists have to feel the credit crunch some time. Faced with giving up more square footage to hang their Manga artworks on or display their Kubrick toys, they decide to go for the money shot–splicing human DNA into their creations.

Working in an achingly hip techno montage, Clive and Elsa have no real concept of the ethics or morality that underpin their decisions. Commentating on the unknown donor, Clive flippantly exclaims they are “A dime a dozen” to which Elsa replies, “One in a million.” When they fail to crack the code they change the music to jazz, a DNA play list that instantly brings results. “We have been dancing to the wrong beat” Elsa grins.

Clive has modest pangs of doubt but with insemination just a click away he bows to Elsa’s fierce determination and presses enter. The result is a glutinous sack of gristle that quickly transforms itself from a Cronenberg nightmare into a wide-eyed beauty with the voice like Keyop from Battle of the Planets.

Elsa names the creature Dren and gradually becomes her surrogate mother, with Clive at first a reluctant father. The duo discovers the “wonders” of parenthood: sleepless nights, food tantrums and a non-existent sex life. This is where Splice exposes the selfishness of some modern parents who view children as an annoyance when they realise their babies don’t fit into their designer lifestyle.

Both Clive and Elsa have radically different parenting styles that contradict one another and bewilder the ever-evolving Dren. By turns they teach, love, bully and threaten their secret ward. At times their love is deeply inappropriate and at others genuinely shocking.

What heightens the slimy tension of Splice is Dren herself, a truly original monster whose powers can never be taken for granted. It is her metamorphosis from the alien to the familiar that never once lets the audience relax in her presence.

Her final fate is never in doubt, especially with a climax shared with Species or The Fly remake, but director Vincenzo Natali revels in these comparisons rather than shrink away from them completely. Although predictable, the ending never detracts from the darkly comic tone set from the sinister opening credits.

Splice is a cautionary tale, a relevant mix of creature feature and Supernanny, a funny, smart and eerily erotic film that would make a young David Cronenberg proud.