Out of all the questions on the mind of this great nation, nothing is more pressing than: Are women people? Look, if the question bothers you, you’re probably just looking to get offended on the...
This is a transcript of a Situation Room recording provided to us exclusively by Omarosa Maginault Newman. Or it’s a horror movie script. Or it’s both. We report, you decide. John Kelly:...
We’ve all been there. You used to love him, but now all he does is annoy you with his endless rants about the new Star Wars (we’ve been over this a thousand times — FINN IS ABSOLUTELY A GOOD...
It’s been a terrible week for diplomacy. For global stability. For U.S. leadership. And for customer service. First we asked Russia to stop being communist, now we’re telling it that when it...
Happy Independence Day! God bless America! God bless freedom from tyranny! God bless Vladimir Putin! God bless apple pie and Stranger Things! God bless mowing the lawn in your shorts! As Americans,...
Crap, you have stolen your roommate’s burrito. It happens to the best of us. Don’t have a roommate? I assume you’ve stolen something at least once from the communal fridge at work/accidentally...
Dear Natasha, Can I call you that? Just kidding, of course I can. I do what I want. And unlike some people, I know that “Natasha” is a diminutive of the name Natalia in Russian, and hence it is...
“Is Trump going to bomb Iran now?” Sure, why not. Yes, yes, I can already hear all of you bleeding heart rogue state sympathizer traitors whining about how: “But the Middle East can’t stand...
The Deep State really screwed me over today. First it was the weird weather — too cold in the shade, too hot in the sun, so that I kept having to take my scarf out of my bag and put it on and then...
In the life of every individual, a certain maturing must eventually take place. We learn that Santa Claus is not real. We come to terms with the fact The Republican Idea Of Personal Responsibility...
