As I watch the Olympics, I get a strange sense of emptiness. It’s not because of the economics of it all, nor is it because of the commercialization. I’m not some pinko commie, my dudes. And yet...
Listen up, ladies — you don’t know how to date. In fact, nobody knows how to date; dating is a weird, inorganic ritual made even weirder by the fact that it now involves apps. But this doesn’t...
The world is ending. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the Earth. I see it every time the tangerine anus we elected to be our president logs onto Twitter. Because I am an American patriot, I...
If you are, for some reason, not a fan of American exceptionalism, you ought to be a fan of Louise Linton. Who else is there to make Central Asian dictator clans finally feel that they are not unique...
American exceptionalism — the idea that the United States is unique among all other nations — gets a bad rap nowadays. Ever since we elected a sentient wig to the White House (where else would...
People are running around and screaming about the widening gap between the rich and poor, as if the country is about to fall into that gap and disappear. What they’re not taking into account is...
Woody Allen is right, there’s a witch-hunt going on. A witch-hunt against rapists. We can call it a rapist-hunt for short. With Harvey Weinstein being outed as a serial harasser of women and an...
Are you an international or local leader who doesn’t know how to talk to and about Donald J. Trump? Are you worried about the possibility of the current U.S. president subtweeting you and/or...
It’s a well known fact that Russia can make a weapon out of virtually anything. Give a Russian kid a box of crayons and a stick of gum, and the little brat will make a nuclear warhead by the time...
Are you worried about North Korea nuking you in your sleep? Is Weird Al Yankovic’s “Christmas at Ground Zero” playing on a loop in your head these days? Never fear! The sentient...
