The peculiar rite of watching the Super Bowl ads

One of the most anticipated annual television events of the year unfolded in the United States over the weekend. Akin to the Doctor Who Christmas Special in the UK, it is practically a national holiday, drawing together people from all walks of life, creeds, and backgrounds for a few unifying hours. Transplants to the United States often express deep puzzlement and a feeling of alienation as the full flower of US patriotism arises on a Sunday afternoon in January, the heady smells of mom and apple pie in the air, flags snapping to attention in the breeze.

It had millions glued to their televisions, and the Internet, to watch and discuss the drama in real time, and involved budgets of almost unimaginable amounts for a few fleeting minutes or seconds on the big screen. People held large parties at which they served copious amounts of guacamole, adopted as a national specialty temporarily while the originators of the dish were of course firmly kept back at the border. Hours of specials, profiles, and predictions preceded the event, including offerings from high-profile commentators and publications. Leaks and teasers abounded, especially online, to spark conversation and debate. After the fact, it was swiftly and carefully dissected by scores of pundits.

I refer, of course, to a capitalist extravaganza of advertising that strikes only once a year, peculiarly interrupted by some men running about on a field chasing a ball. It’s the time for major US companies to strut their stuff, bringing their best and brightest to the challenge, with slots costing millions of dollars during this primetime airing period, where ads become entertainment, and people dodge out for bathroom breaks during the sportsball interruptions.

This advertising orgy represents perhaps the pinnacle of US capitalism, a sort of natural endpoint for consumer culture and the systems that feed it; viewers are so excited about advertisements that they will Tweet them in real time, talk about them at work the next day, view them over and over again online, and spawn thousands of blog posts on the topic. Companies use these hotly-contested slots for advertising that more than pays for itself, generating even more competition for the precious airtime in the following year. By the time the word of mouth—good or bad—dies down, companies have more than made their millions back.

Consumers are turned into advertisers, repeating company and product names over the coming weeks and months. It’s a bonanza of brand awareness. Offerings from some advertisers, like a US beer company that is inexplicably famous despite the fact that its brew resembles something produced by a camel after several days of hard riding and a case of the clap, become subjects of wild speculation.

‘What will they do this time,’ consumers want to know.

Probably the same thing they did last time, because advertisers are fond of not only beating a dead horse, but continuing to ride it until long after it has reached a fossilised condition. See, for example, the firm which insists on using a baby who apparently never ages in its annual commercials; oddly, consumers continue to be excited by these offerings, and the baby has become something of a mascot.

During this year’s event, an Internet company infamous for bad taste attempted to outdo itself with not one but two ads so dripping in sexism that some screens reportedly burst into flames out of sheer embarrassment at being forced to display such a thing. It wasn’t the only company relying on the old advertising adage that ‘sex sells,’ which also applies to flowers, cars, and…yoghurt? One would think yogurt is more suitable for use after the sex, were one perhaps overenthusiastic enough to contract a yeast infection, though this columnist warns that sweetened yoghurt products such as the one advertised are not appropriate for this application.

Other advertisements played heavily on economic themes, showing viewers an idealised vision of US workers in hometown plants; an appliance manufacturer really worked the angles on this one with voiceovers from workers against a backdrop of busy industrial scenes. Buying from this manufacturer, consumers were assured, would create jobs, strengthen the United States, and cause a unicorn to appear in their yards. Such advertisements evoked an era that may have already passed, when the United States was a manufacturing giant and economic juggernaut, but apparently viewers like nostalgia.

Attempts to play on pop culture were also brought to the field, including an ad suggesting that a particular brand of car would kill vampires with headlines bright as day. Apparently advertising agencies are unaware that the modern vampire isn’t disturbed by a little thing like sunlight. It is time to get with the times, executives!

The use of animals in advertising during this annual event is also extremely common; many utilised dogs, while others went for animated anthropormophised versions. US consumers just cannot get enough of animals peddling beer, insurance products, and a dazzling array of other items, evidently. Even The New York Times remarked on the trend, noting that one agency clearly misjudged its audience by using live primates in its commercial.

Some firms even offered ‘extended versions,’ akin to special release DVDs of movies. Viewers who couldn’t get enough of shilling in a thirty second or minute-long spot could go back for more. Truly, we may have reached a pinnacle of culture from which we can only decline, my friends. If only the Ancient Greeks had gotten this far.