If you believe in science, you are probably groaning under the weight of conspiracy theories surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic — just as I am.
If I wanted to have a competition about it, I’d probably point out that my situation is likely worse than yours. I don’t just have family members and friends sending me this crap, I also deal with it as part of my job. Bellingcat is an award-winning online investigations platform, which means that people are constantly asking us to investigate Yetis, buried treasure and, now, potentially extraterrestrial or perhaps manmade origins of the novel coronavirus.
The arguments of the conspiracy theorists can often be seductive. After all, they paint a complete picture, and the human mind fears the unknown. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everything about the virus were simple?
Both in my writing and when it comes to promoting the work of my colleagues, I have argued that there is no such thing as “harmless” disinformation, especially during a global pandemic. That argument, of course, lacks the attractiveness of the conspiracy theory. It is stark. Start arguments are rarely appealing, especially when we are all living in a stark reality to begin with.
Acknowledging this is almost as painful as acknowledging the enormous psychological toll conspiracy theories have on me — and on many of us. How do we actively deal with all of this malicious white noise?
Well, I have personally decided to betray one of the most beloved television shows of my adolescence. The truth, I have decided, is not “out there.” No matter how cute Mulder was, no matter how much I admired Scully, I have to admit — when you go looking for the truth, you better start with yourself, goddammit.
What does this mean for me? It means doing quite a bit of emotional centering, for one thing. Whenever I decide to get emotionally invested in a potential argument with a Karen haircut who is convinced that the virus came from a lab — or whenever I want a colleague to elegantly take down an actual report that claims as much — I ask myself how much extra energy I want to expand on this. Countering it? Sure, that’s important. Caring? Only up to a point.
I think about it in the same way I think about loading the dishwasher. Do the dishes need to be loaded? Sure. Do I need to get mad at the dishes for being dirty? Hell no. I choose to believe that when Bob Dylan sang, “Life is sad, life is a bust, all ya can do, is do what you must / You do what you must do, and ya do it well” he meant precisely this process.
You have to hold back essential parts of yourself in order to stay whole at times, and a pandemic in particular calls for precisely this kind of emotional rationing. If you can save up some toilet paper, you should also be able to save up some energy. This doesn’t mean suppressing your emotions, it means channeling them wisely, and into things that matter.
Look, I fully believe that this is how Bob Dylan is still able to produce great work, even as he turns 79, and even as a deadly virus and deadly ignorance rage all around him. Bob Dylan is able to give back to the world precisely because he knows when to give, and how. We should all follow his example.
And speaking of my favorite American songwriter, consider the film “Wonder Boys,” based on Michael Chabon’s book, the soundtrack for which Dylan wrote. One of my favorite moments comes when Katie Holmes’ character starts telling the older and supposedly wiser character played by Michael Douglas about the importance of choices. His inability to make choices has led him into producing a bloated and ultimately tired novel — because the author himself is tired. Knowing how and when to hold back will save his career in the end.
It’s good to care. It’s not good to turn caring into a useless and, perhaps, even performative martyrdom. Stay introspective. You can’t help anyone if you’re not helping yourself first.
Think of the rule we follow on airplanes. You pull that mask on first before you worry about anyone else’s, and that’s not selfishness. That’s common sense. A lot of people aren’t practicing any common sense right now at all, and that’s a shame we should all be able to admit, but don’t let the shame of the moment burn a hole through you either. The world still needs you to do your part. You need you. Live and breathe to ride another day.
Image credit: Carola68