Please spare a thought for poor guys who unironically refer to themselves as “alphas.” It’s getting hard out here for them as they are constantly assaulted by an alliance of rabid feminists and white knight lib-cucks. It’s a terrifying time to be a confident, powerful dude who knows how to kill you in 700 hundred ways (and that’s just with his bare hands!).
I know what you’re thinking. “But Natalia, aren’t guys who call themselves alphas just whiny bitches who are profoundly threatened by other people — women in particular — who have a healthier view of themselves and don’t obsess about where they fit on a particular hierarchy? Would a genuinely confident man even need to call himself an alpha?”
First of all, that’s just mean.
Second of all, alpha males can’t help it if the world doesn’t understand them anymore. We’ve evolved fancy technologies that make hunting and gathering and creating artistic masterpieces out of peeing on snow redundant in developed societies. Sure, the majority of them don’t know what hunting and gathering even involves — besides the fact that dumb women don’t have enough upper body strength to do it efficiently — but hunter-gatherers wore loincloths and snarled at each other and that’s sexy in a totally non-homoerotic way and hey don’t call these dudes QUEER or anything that’s just super mean and wrong and anyway, where was I?
The thing about dudes who go around referring to themselves as alphas is that society just doesn’t understand them, man. It’s all so SAFE and SANITIZED and BORING. Well, except for all of that stuff that prevents you from getting dysentery/getting bitten by rabid trash pandas every time you leave the house. Maybe alpha males will give society a pass on that. Even fake Navy SEAL types get tired of fighting off trash pandas on their way to important masculinity conventions, eventually.
But besides the basic safeguards of sanitation and animal control — what is society even for, you guys? It’s a screwed up place where even nerds can get laid. In fact, too many nerds are filthy rich these days, so you KNOW they’re getting laid more than ever — since women are gold-digging bitches and all.
It’s even more screwed up when you consider the fact that society has utterly spoiled women. Women aren’t busy dying in childbirth anymore, for one thing, which is wrong. It makes women soft, goddammit. It gives them IDEAS about themselves.
Women also no longer churn their own butter, they have robots cleaning their floors, and can legally own property. That’s just wrong and is clearly not what our caveman ancestors intended.
“But Natalia, why should we let cavemen set the standards for us? Why the fuck… why are we caring about caveman principles all of a sudden? What is this insane bullshit?” Uh. Shut the fuck up. Cuck.
Honestly, this also goes for everyone who’s queer. In the olden days, we just burned queers at the stake (or was that witches? Were some witches queer? Probably). Now all of these people are like, “Whateverrrrrrr, I’m not interested in putting a heterosexual straitjacket onto my identity. I also no longer want to be killed for not doing so.” Seriously, what the hell is up with that? And how is a Real Man™ supposed to navigate these dangerous and not at all beguiling — hey, once again, don’t try to imply he’s GAY or something — waters?
On top of everything else, we’ve begun to seriously discuss going to Mars, and we all know we won’t be able to do much hunting and gathering up there. Sure, the first visitors will have to be physically fit and all, but in that totally gay, NASA way — since they’ll also have to know how to operate complex machinery and generally nerd out. Frankly, Mars sounds like a bad idea, especially now that we have all of these flat-earthers pointing out the obvious, which is that Copernicus and Galileo were the original proto-cucks.
At the very least, alpha males have their very own prophet, Steve Bannon. Don’t be fooled by that visage that looks like what happens when you dump a bunch of rancid yoghurt into a bowl of borscht by accident and/or evil design. Steve knows what’s going on. He may or may not have abused his ex-wife, which is a super manly and not at all cowardly thing to do, and he’s against Jews who run everything, and honestly have you ever seen an alpha male (((globalist))) type before? Yeah, didn’t think so.
But hey, don’t call the self-proclaimed alphas Nazis, or anything. Sure, they may be overwhelmingly white and many do subscribe to a certain… aesthetic, but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. Just because some of them really hate queers and want to get rid of (((globalists))) and put women in chains really doesn’t mean much. Coincidences are just coincidences. Stop side-eyeing them like that. It makes them feel really hurt and insecure, and in between their moms yelling at them to clean up their rooms, it really takes a toll, honestly.
Photo: Anita Ritenour