Earlier this week, a Sophoclean tragedy occurred — and by that I mean that notorious right-winger Milo Yiannopoulos was banned from a Midwestern furry convention.
I know, I know. You’d think the place where you can adopt a fursona would be more welcoming and accepting, but furries appear to have this weird thing against hate.
So what’s Milo to do now? Where can he go, whom can he join in his hour of need?
Thankfully, there are many options available.
The people who love, LOVE working for Amazon
As my colleagues have pointed out, the creepy Amazon brand ambassador program could stand a little more finesse.
“I am passionate about my family and love to cook” is probably not going to sway the very many people who are rightly concerned about the way that Amazon treats its employees who are tasked with putting on a public happy face while founder Jeff Bezos is busy stacking his money all the way up to the moon or whatever.
But how about, “I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT INSANE RESTAURANT CHECKS AND STRAIGHT PRIDE”? At the very least, it would be more sincere.
SeaWorld
Orca shows are abusive and inhumane — but I see no similar controversies arising over a Milo show.
And, to be honest, I see him fitting in with the crested penguins best. There will be just as much panache as he always likes there to be, except the penguins aren’t likely to be persuaded into any Nazi salutes.
North Korea
I know what you’re going to say, and it’s true — the people of North Korea have enough problems, considering that they currently live under the most repressive government in the world.
On the other hand, who else is going to advise Kim Jong-un about his hair? Somebody’s going to have to do it, and don’t look at Trump. He doesn’t like to criticize the men he most aspires to be like.
A Field In England
Modern art suggests that it would be quite the challenge — and when has Milo ever shied away from challenge?
Caroline Calloway’s Instagram adventure
There is a lot to process both about grifter Caroline Calloway and her former ghostwriter. For one thing, it wasn’t just a toxic relationship; it was splendidly toxic. A pencil store was briefly involved.
If anyone understands losing a book deal, on the other hand, it is Calloway — and I think she also understands the process by which self-deception becomes just deception. Think about it.
Pluto
Milo often styles himself as the champion of the overlooked and downtrodden — and what celestial body is more downtrodden than Pluto?
We used to call it a planet, until we didn’t.
We have no plans to settle it, oh no, the rich people who will be whisked away after they finally destroy Earth are betting on Mars.
Do we make breathless prestige dramas about Pluto as we do with the Moon? Of course not. We don’t even make action movies about it — that honor falls to the asteroids. Nobody makes jokes about Pluto as they do with Uranus, it is not huge like Jupiter, it does not have rings like Saturn, does not fly close the sun like Mercury, it is not a pretty color like Neptune, and neither is it named after the goddess of love like Venus.
In the solar system, Pluto is as de-platformed as it gets. And you know what that means, Milo.
Image credit: NEXT Conference