If I could go back in time and change something, I would want more people to pay attention to social anxiety and social awkwardness.
I’ll tell you why.
Social anxiety, a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations, is regarded as a mental health disorder by the National Health Service.
Being a disorder, rather than further stigmatizing people, we should show a higher degree of care instead. In most cases, shy people are profiled as proud or arrogant because of their manner of relating with other people when, in the real sense, we simply do not know how to.
What may seem like a no-brainer suggestion from someone not so familiar with social anxiety as a trait would be to just relate with more people, eh? You wouldn’t tell someone with the flu “Hey, just stop being sick”, would you?
The art of meeting new people, making new friends, and establishing more connections, which is a norm for other humans, is a herculean task to shy people because then I’d have to leave my friendship trio of Mark, Sandra, and Tom to accommodate more people.
Oh come on, do I have to?
Even though I enjoy the peaceful and soothing state of being alone and all to myself, I really want to relate more with people and make new friends, you know? I’ll admit it gets boring sometimes, well maybe more frequently than that. But how to do this? That’s the problem. That’s the BIG mystery.
I get annoyed with myself sometimes. I know what to do, just talk to people, right? I see people do it so easily but it just seems like so much work to me.
Do I just go out and talk to every random person on the street? How do I even begin? Does that not sound weird? What would they think of me? “Weird guy” sure sounds like the first thought that would come to mind.
And that’s not all: I’m sure my conversations with people who approach me could be a turnoff too. Maybe this is an even bigger problem. What vibe do I give? The cool, jovial guy is certainly off the list, I know that bit.
I try to be kind in my relationships with people.
Ironically, all these insecurities do not apply to my online activities — social media and all. In fact, I am the loudest on most of these platforms. I talk without any form of hesitation or restrictions on Twitter. I’m the true definition of what the cool kids refer to as a “keyboard warrior”.
Sadly, that’s where it ends. On several occasions, I’ve had people ask me if I’m really the same person who handles all of my accounts, and they express their shock at seeing the difference between physical me and the person behind the phone.
Now that I think of it, it’s not really my inability to make these new relationships or start conversations, It’s the thought of how people will react and what they think of me.
I never want to seem like a bother to people.
Maybe I have a wrong impression of how rigid the average human is. I’m sure most people are open to making friends and having a chat, but it’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
Honestly, does anyone ever turn down a friendship proposal? It hardly ever happens. Am I living in a fantasy? Am I making things up in my head?
The thought of my advances or attempts being turned down (even though it would only be about one in a hundred people) is probably why I never make many attempts at friendship. I do not want to face rejection.
Keeping to myself seems like the best solution to this problem. Also, I probably wouldn’t ever forgive myself if I got rejected when all I had to do was follow my normal and everyday routine of being alone. So there’s a benefit to being alone after all.
I love my friends. This sounds like I have a hundred of them so I’ll rephrase: I love my three friends. I’ve known all three of them for many years. I’m so free with them. I also never have to worry about what they think of what I do or say. This gives me so much peace — having people who see and love you for who you are and do not think you’re any different or weird. It makes the world worth living in.
I also think there are more people like my friends out there. I’d love to make new friends and establish new connections. Hopefully our paths will cross in some way.
So, if you’re reading this, maybe I’m not different, maybe I’m not weird, maybe I didn’t mean to be rude to you when we talked, maybe I’m not proud or arrogant. I’m just shy.
Images: Pragyan Bezbaruah and cottonbro studio