This is a transcript of a Situation Room recording provided to us exclusively by Omarosa Maginault Newman. Or it’s a horror movie script. Or it’s both. We report, you decide. John Kelly:...
We’ve all been there. You used to love him, but now all he does is annoy you with his endless rants about the new Star Wars (we’ve been over this a thousand times — FINN IS ABSOLUTELY A GOOD...
It’s been a terrible week for diplomacy. For global stability. For U.S. leadership. And for customer service. First we asked Russia to stop being communist, now we’re telling it that when it...
Happy Independence Day! God bless America! God bless freedom from tyranny! God bless Vladimir Putin! God bless apple pie and Stranger Things! God bless mowing the lawn in your shorts! As Americans,...
Look, I’m just saying. I’ve seen “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead” enough times. That movie’s shoulder-pad game was a bit too strong, but still. Hear me out, OK? Harry Potter...
Crap, you have stolen your roommate’s burrito. It happens to the best of us. Don’t have a roommate? I assume you’ve stolen something at least once from the communal fridge at work/accidentally...
Dear Natasha, Can I call you that? Just kidding, of course I can. I do what I want. And unlike some people, I know that “Natasha” is a diminutive of the name Natalia in Russian, and hence it is...
The Deep State really screwed me over today. First it was the weird weather — too cold in the shade, too hot in the sun, so that I kept having to take my scarf out of my bag and put it on and then...
Listen up, ladies — you don’t know how to date. In fact, nobody knows how to date; dating is a weird, inorganic ritual made even weirder by the fact that it now involves apps. But this doesn’t...
The world is ending. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the Earth. I see it every time the tangerine anus we elected to be our president logs onto Twitter. Because I am an American patriot, I...
