Game of Thrones is ending and everyone is really bummed. Game of Thrones is also ending while NOT BEING ABLE TO BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE AFTER OUTPACING THE AUTHOR OF THE BOOKS AND WADING INTO NARRATIVELY CONFUSING TERRITORY — which, according to Monday morning Twitter at least, is the single biggest tragedy to have befallen humankind.
Fear not, though. When you really think about it, Game of Thrones is really just the friends we made along the way. Or, for that matter, enemies.
What I’m trying to say is that Game of Thrones won’t be over when it’s over. We are constantly living it.
If you’re not convinced, just consider the ways in which we already live in a Game of Thrones universe to begin with:
Winter Is Here
Climate change is fucking up the planet, a zillion species are going bye-bye, and we’re due for a lot of extreme weather in the years to come. The rich plan to survive it all in walled compounds/on Mars, which isn’t that different from hiding in your ancestral castle when you think about it. The rest of us, on the other hand?
Regular People Are Fucked — And No One Cares
Everyone is too busy focused on the fates of the assorted lords and ladies or, say, the Elon Musks of the world. Honestly, classism has always been one of the more realistic aspects of Game of Thrones. Including the sort of classism that we practice against ourselves by telling us that our concerns don’t matter and absurdly rich people are just “job creators” or whatever.
The Gods Hate Us All
As wise Tyrion Lannister lamented many seasons ago, “The Lord of Light wants his enemies burnt. The Drowned God wants his enemies drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where is the god of tits and wine?”
As I type this, a political scandal involving sexy photos associated with the notorious professional Bible-thumpers known as the Fallwells is currently gaining momentum in the media. The Fallwells have made a lot of money out of convincing Americans that hellfire and damnation are real. Now that we’re seriously discussing sexy photos involving at least one of them, I kind of think they were correct in this.
The god of tits and wine is here, but these are decidedly the wrong tits, my friends.
This Is Beginning To Get Dark, Isn’t It?
The night is dark and full of terrors.
Flaxen Haired Sex Weirdos
Let us all remember the sheer amount of incest among blonde people on Game of Thrones AND then consider the fact that the current president is a dude who once said he’d date his daughter if she wasn’t his daughter.
We Still Don’t Deserve Dogs — Or Direwolves
Seriously, how pure is Ghost? How awesome would it be to have a Tormund and Ghost show now, instead of some depressing prequel with its already predictable cycle of rape and murder, and rape and murder? It’s true that this may not be the content we deserve, but it is definitely the content we need. And we are not going to get it precisely because we need it — this is a rule for both this show and life in general.
Love Sucks
You meet someone cool, and then they turn out to be your nephew. Or be really, really into 1990s-era Christian rock. Honestly, it’s in the nature of love to disappoint us. Highs are inevitably followed by lows. Or, uh, more revelations about incest.
People Choose Their Petty Loyalties Over Grand Ideals
The Northerners are clannish. So, for that matter, are Republicans. Honestly, many of our current problems would be solved if the Republican Party would go ahead and grow a spine. But that’s not going to happen, because “LIZ WARREN IS A FOREIGN QUEEN” or whatever.
All Endings Are Bittersweet
That is the nature of endings and that is honestly the least bitchy and most encouraging idea I can leave you with right now.
More wine.