Theresa May has made a big balls-up of Brexit again. Actually, I don’t know if it’s ‘again’ so much as a continuous state of being. Desperate to get fellow Conservatives to vote for her Brexit plan, she gave them a highly tempting bribe: if they voted for her plan, she would resign before the next stages of the process.
Boris Johnson apparently grinned from ear to ear and suddenly had a change of heart; he would vote for the plan he had been slating for months, as would Jacob Rees-Mogg and Dominic Raab. A whole lot of them suddenly found some enthusiasm for the ‘Meaningful Vote 3’ with the prospect of getting rid the woman who had, until now, refused to budge.
May is running this Brexit process in a way to preserve her party, not to do the best for the country. She needs to end this Tory split before the party completely falls apart, and she has finally fallen on her sword.
Well, sort of. Because she didn’t win the third Meaningful Vote so nobody knows whether she’s going to stand down now or not. Nobody knows what’s going to happen next, not even the European Parliament or, probably, May herself.
But as her colleagues start unsubtly campaigning to replace her already, let’s take a look at the runners and riders who are thought to want a chance to lead the Nasty Party.
Boris Johnson: the man who referred to Muslim women as ‘letterboxes’ and used the racist slang ‘picaninnies’ has been salivating at the prospect of being Prime Minister for years. His votes on welfare benefit issues have leaned towards the punitive and his votes on LGBT+ issues were mixed or he simply wasn’t there. He wasn’t there when I look through various areas of his voting record, but he’s always there when the TV cameras are on.
He’s recently had a haircut (not normally news, but this was thought to be a way to shake off his ‘daft’ reputation when his messy hair was a signature), but his eternal smugness if he won would be unbearable.
Sajid Javid: he’s a complicated one, is Sajid. On paper, the fact that his Pakistani dad was a bus conductor and arrived in the UK with a couple of quid in his pocket makes him sound like he might be a nice bloke with decent values.
Unfortunately, he turned out to be a bit of a mare. His most recent absolute horror story was removing the citizenship of Shamima Begum, whose baby (a British citizen) died a few days later in a refugee camp because they could not come home. He also had a massive immigration panic because a couple of boats arrived, stirring up hatred and fear. Commentators think these hardline positions have been to strengthen his position, potentially to seek out the Prime Minister role.
Dominic Raab: Raab did not realise the English Channel was that important, and he resigned rather than accept a deal with the EU that he himself had negotiated. So far, a complete write-off.
Andrea Leadsom: This woman recently expressed concern about LGBT issues being taught in schools and her votes on welfare benefits are, well, Tory. She was in the final two during the last leadership election, but then she made a statement saying she would be a better PM than Theresa May because she was a mother, whereas May wasn’t. There was a bit of a furore and she stood down.
Amber Rudd: The only one I can semi-tolerate the idea of succeeding Theresa May is Amber Rudd, and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because she’s a Remainer against a wall of ardent Brexiters.
But I think it’s more that, during an election campaign a few years ago, Theresa May got scared and opted out of a televised leaders debate and instead sent Amber Rudd, whose Dad had died just a few days earlier. Remembering how I was basically a puddle on the floor for weeks, if not months, after my Dad died, I couldn’t comprehend how she was so together and managed to put a few arguments across. I watched her a little bit in awe.
I mean, she’s still a Tory with a terrible voting record, but that scenario where I could relate to her a teeny bit gave me a little glimpse that perhaps she had some humanity. Not a characteristic in great quantity in this Conservative government, so maybe I’d just about cope if she was to win.
But she won’t. Bookies are divided and will no doubt change their minds numerous times before the ballots take place (if they ever do), but I have a bad feeling that a hard Brexiter with a racist, homophobic and disablist history, probably with added misogyny and who hates poor people, will be the one who takes the helm. Whether we get to that point before or after a General Election – therefore whether they will be Prime Minister or Leader of the Opposition – remains to be seen.
Photo: Stephen Lock