From Twitter to “The View,” the story of Donna Simpson’s attempt to become the fattest woman in the world has made its rounds. The Daily Mail reports that Simpson is 42 years old and is a resident of New Jersey. The story is filled with voyeuristic facts, highlighting such things as her ability to eat “70 pieces of sushi” or “her love [of] cakes and sweet things.”
According to the Mail, Donna’s goal is to become the world’s heaviest woman – taking her 7xl frame to a staggering 1000 lbs. Simpson hopes to achieve her goal weight in two years, even though this will require consuming 12,000 calories a day. Interestingly enough, this is the same caloric intake that the eight time gold medalist Michael Phelps consumes when he is in training.
To support herself, Simpson runs a website on which her viewers pay to see her consume food and pose in suggestive photos. In a video posted at Fox News, Simpson says, “I also have videos of me in motion because they like to see me in motion and see how my fat jiggles and moves.”
When she was asked how it made her feel that people wanted to see her move around like that, Simpson responded, “Love it, love it. Cause they are not saying it in a bad way. They’re paying to see me; they adore it just as they would a woman of normal size.” Her husband is reportedly encouraging her to gain weight and, according to Simpson, is a real belly man.
Simpson’s husband may be the only one who publicly supports her right now. Dan Savage blogged that she should have her child taken away and similar comments have appeared on Twitter.
Many used her decisions to argue the price of healthcare is inflated due to the presence of obese people, and one commenter at the Cleveland Leader had this to say, “It’s because of irresponsible people like this woman that healthcare costs too much and the President is asking me to pay for her care. Incredible!” Another chimed in, “That woman needs to DIE. Tomorrow would be nice! She should be ashamed of herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a waste of LIFE!”
Many go on to blame mental illness, because few can accept the idea of a woman being happy weighing over 500 pounds, much less the 1000 pounds that she is aiming for. The feeder/feedee element as well as the fetishiszing of fat people, which are the most obvious aspects of this story, have not been commented upon that much, however.
The feeder/feedee relationship is not only toxic, it is abusive. Though in most cases, it involves force feeding or the threat of ending a relationship to encourage someone to eat, the mere fact that Simpson made sure to point out that her husband actively wants her to get bigger, points to a troubling aspect in their relationship.
There is definitely a very negative power dynamic at play. Even within her own home, Simpson is fetishsized. This is substantiated by Simpson’s claim that her husband is a belly man. Feeders will typically fixate on large fatty breasts, buttocks, hips or stomachs. Often these men will insert their penises into the folds of fat to achieve sexual gratification.
In the Mail article, Simpson is quoted as saying that her first husband used to bring her food home, because he enjoyed watching her eat. This is also another example of an unhealthy relationship and displays classic symptoms of feederism.
It is one thing for a spouse to buy a treat for their significant other, but when it reaches the level of regularly encouraging your partner to gorge for the sake of sexual gratification, it is unhealthy as well as emotionally and physically abusive. A mere fat admirer does not encourage the object of their affection to regularly eat to excess.
Abuse can take many forms and it often goes unremarked upon, or else wrongly labelled. The nature of the power dynamic between the feeder/feedee removes agency and therefore eliminates culpability. Just as it is highly unreasonable to blame the victim of domestic violence for their bruises, so too is it unconscionable to blame the feedee for over eating.
These relationships are simply pathological, as can be seen from the dependency that is created when the feedee becomes too fat to flee the relationship because of immobility. Simpson is already only capable of walking a scant 20 feet and is dependent upon a scooter. It is only matter time before she is completely dependent upon her husband for basics like sustenance and personal hygiene. Would we be this quick to dismiss the dangers of this dynamic if a man was encouraging his female partner to lose weight because he enjoyed the gaunt look?
When we look at Simpson, we see gluttony and fat, two things that we have come to despise. The degree to which Simpson is a victim of those that fetishize fat is obscured. A fat acceptance message is health at any weight, not a sordid compulsion to become the world’s fattest woman.
Allen Steadham of The International Size Acceptance Association said:
“I could not imagine endangering my health by deliberately eating unhealthily and decreasing movement just to get some title (she already holds the title ‘World’s Fattest Mother’). ISAA promotes self esteem, healthy food choices and exercise at any size as part of our Respect Fitness Health initiative. What Donna Simpson is practicing is not size acceptance, it is the opposite. And ISAA’s stance is that using unhealthy means to get fatter is just as bad as using unhealthy means to get thinner.”
Peggy Howell of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance mirrored Stedhams’ statement, saying:
“NAAFA supports an individual’s right to control all choices concerning his or her own body. That being said, it has been reported that Ms. Simpson’s partner encourages her to continue to gain weight.
NAAFA opposes the practice of feeders, in which one partner in a sexual relationship expects and encourages another partner to gain weight.”
Even those who do not articulate the kind of dysfunction that Simpson does are shamed based on their weight. Gabourey Sidibe found out firsthand that despite her talent and success, her weight was enough to mark her as “other”; if a woman like that can be reviled, what hope is there that Simpson can find any form of empathy?
Feederism is a subculture that does not get much attention. Some fat acceptance groups rightfully shun its participants for fear that it will intensify the already tremendous amount of fat hatred in society. While it is easy to get drawn in by the sheer sensationalism of what Simpson is attempting, we should not ignore the often perilous results of the feeder/feedee relationship, to focus on gluttony and fat when the greater issue is exploitation and manipulation.
Feederism leaves its participants truly damaged. It is the antithesis of fat acceptance. Fat people have enough social hatred to deal with, without having their bodies become representative of someone else’s perversion. Simpson may have declared her decision to keep gaining weight as a personal choice, but it seems as though there is something far more sinister going on.
Being a fat admirer for all of my life, I do tend to like women who aren’t the skinny runway model type. Even in weight though there are limits. Being fat is one thing, being fat on purpose and for the sole pleasure of others or to set a record is a mental illness.
I have always struggled with be a little overweight all my life. I ended up gaining a bit more after surgery and two years on pain killers for another illness. I like fat women but I could never encourage a person to become so fat they can’t move or to bluntly “eat themselves to death”. I have always encourage my fat female friends to lose weight, not to be skinny but be healthy.
I have lead an alternative lifestyle all my life. I have seen people like her in the lifestyle a lot. She is not doing this for fat acceptence she has a serious mental issue, which only years of counseling is going to give her any relief. I feel sorry for her and the amount of emotional pain she must be carrying around, but she needs some serious “Intervention” otherwise her daughter is going to grow up without a mother and suffer right along with her.
I agree 100%.
I happen to be a man who finds larger women very attractive; to me, Gabby Sibide is utterly gorgeous and sexy. Nonetheless, I find feederism to be abusive and perverse. It’s a power/manipulation trip on the part of the feeder; whether the feedee realizes it or not, she’s being exploited and oppressed.
That being said, I really want to comment on the accusation that fat people are somehow resposible for the current crisis in U.S. health care. While I do understand that there are health risks associated with obesity, I also know that the effects of weight-loss regimens –especially radical diets and weight-loss surgery– can also be severe. In addition, I believe that each individual’s health is his or own business. To blame fat people for the high cost of health care in the U.S. is to ignore the date that show poverty as the most highly associated variable with increased mortality rates, as well as to let the rapacious corporate health insurance industry off the hook.
But, once again — feederism makes all of us who believe in fat acceptance look bad. It doesn’t represent what we stand for. It doesn’t represent Gabourey Sidibe, either.
Wow. I’d never heard of that term “feederism” until today. How… wow. It’s so sad. All of this is so very complex. I can barely stand to read about it.
I found this article very well written and well said. In my opinion she has a few screws loose. She also has kids in my opinion that makes it even worse, its child abuse. Her relationship isnt healthy, if her husband actually encourages and supports her deadly goal, it isnt a good relationship. I am not a fat admirer or anything like that, but in my opinion, there isnt anything healthy nor sane about this couple.
Agreed so much.
Ser size is her business. Her health is her business. Her life her business.
But this isn’t someone making their own choices and living their own lives – this is someone being used and compromising a lot of their own health and ability in doing so. It is as abusive to push your partner to eat until they cannot move as it is to push your partner to starve themselves
I agree so much with this article about abuse. Learning about Donna Simpson horrified me, and it reminded me of this article in Marie Claire(which also horrified).
http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/international/forcefeeding-in-mauritania
Like she so obviously points out, in the articles that she wasn’t doing this for herself. She was doing this for her partner and the men she performed for.
How is this any different then believing it is your fault, and your partner’s right to hit you?
Maybe she has a mental issue? Or maybe she was the slightly chubby girl in HS that didn’t have a boyfriend, or friends and got teased relentlessly. And then she met a man that “accepted her for who she was”. Of course as long as she “ate” for him.
I believe that Donna maybe just needs some self-esteem. Shaming her is only going to push her more towards her abuser.
Here’s the thing: I am a feedee. Yes, I went there. I don’t believe that it’s abuse because I am part of it.
What we need to realize about Donna Simpson is that she is not speaking for the entire feederism community. I am rather large myself (5’10” and about 400 lbs), and even for me, most feeders (that have already been seen in this article as abusive) don’t like a girl as big as me. Most feeders don’t like a girl more than 300 lbs.
We don’t do feederism despite health consequences, as the articles and one individual would have you believe. We balance out feederism with an overall healthy lifestyle. Most people in the world of feederism see it as a fetish, not a lifestyle- it’s something to keep in the bedroom. So, we like a bit of weight gain and some brownies with our sex? Big deal. If I start developing health issues, it’s over.
You also need to realize that almost every feedee I talk to (with the exception of Donna, of course) is into fitness in some kind. We walk to work, do yoga, go to the gym, etc., it’s not our entire being, it is just a fetish, a kinky way of making sex less vanilla that arouses us.
I’m just sick and tired of people judging feederism by one person’s perspective. If you really want a better picture of who we are, ask more of us than just her. You’ll find that with anything (like people who practice autoerotic asphyxiation and such) you have people who take it way beyond where it needs to go, but most of the people are pretty sane about it.
Most feedees don’t spend $750 a week on groceries (if you are wondering, it’s usually about $125 for me, due mainly to the fact I’m never home and constantly eating on the go, and which I will admit is more than average). Most feedees aren’t willing to go to great lengths to gain weight despite mobility issues. And most feeders aren’t in feederism to make all women bed bound.
This article, and the countless other articles that have been written recently about feederism, lack the basics of journalism, which is to take a non-objective view at something from all angles. Instead of talking to NAAFA, how about you find someone else in the fetish and see what is going on? Why don’t we ask the right questions to someone else? No we are focusing on one woman and making her seem like either a victim, a circus freak, or someone completely anti-feminist.
And I don’t think that we are getting the whole picture.
Donna I have seen a few things written and shown on tv about you and your desire to be the heaviest woman in the world, hon please please stop thinking this way you dont have to prove anything to anyone about your size or your confidence, all you will be doing is risking your health, and any future to be around for you little ones, so please please and PLEASE rethink this and start eating healthy and exercising to lose the weight, you are a beautiful woman and from what I have seen a wonderful MOM lets keep you in this world and keep fighting for the heavy people of this world I use to be nearly 720 lbs back in 2000, and I still battle the weight I still weigh 340 lbs, but I am active and I still want so much to lose another 150lb just because I know it will make me feel better health wise and my body will maneuver better, So please once again Donna stop this insanity hon and start a new phase of your life and lose this weight and stick around to see your kids grown and your grandkids PLEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE
Respectfully Sandy Mathews Albuq, NM
I want to offer Donna Simpson a bigger payday to lose 350lbs lovingly and gently and share that experience with the world, then to get paid to diminish her mobility and risk her life, which will be heart-wrenching for her young daughter.
I am endeavoring to put a state-of-the-art greenhouse dome on the White House lawn to create a global SYMBOL of healthy eating. The proceeds to the merchandizing and fund-raising for the dome will benefit Michelle Obamas Let’s Move campaign to stop childhoood obesity.
Donna could be a globally know crusader for this important cause, richer, and more famous, as well as trim, fit and mobile, in the time it will take her to commit food-assisted suicide. I will fly to her to discuss it if I can get her to contact me.
Denise Martin, author
Eating My Way to Heaven
eating2heaven@gmail.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/eating2heaven?feature=mhw5
I am in court demanind my right as the custodial parent to get my son’s father to stop stuffing him full of junk food. Someone needs to advocate for Donna Simpson’s daughter.
Feederism? You are kidding me, right?
If he had not supported him he would be abusive for not supporting her dreams, denying her food, and demanding an unfair cultural expectation of thinness.
Is this woman an infant who is incapable of making a decision on her own without her husband? No. Why are you treating her that way? YOU are the one who is disrespecting her. You are treating her like a child.
You are also watering down the definition of abuse to mean nothing. When that wife who has her jaw broken or that man who suffers 3rd degree burns from a pot of boiling water wait in the ER, please let them know the fat woman sitting next to them for heart palpatations was also abused when her husband failed to tell her not to take seconds.
You should be embarrassed.
Oh hey ..I have an idea..why dont you ask Donna herself what the real deal is..WOW thats a concept..
Jen K ,
Your post is so misguided and twisted that it demands someone to rebuke it. Are you saying that if someone wants to hang herself to death, than her husband should be supporting her? This woman can die any second from all kinds of obesity-related diseases as she is, let alone on the way to 1000 pounds! And her husband is encouraging her!
When you love someone, you want them to be happy and healthy. You want them not to be hurt by others, nor by anyone else.
Melissa,
“We don’t do feederism despite health consequences, as the articles and one individual would have you believe. We balance out feederism with an overall healthy lifestyle.”
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, being overweight leads to the following health risks :
Heart Disease,
Heart Attack,
Type 2 diabetes
Stroke,
Metabolic Syndrome
Cancer
Osteoarthritis
Reproductive Problems
Sleep Apnea…etc.
Donna, or the likes:
Please stop lying to yourselves and let lies ruin your lives. You CAN be healthy and happy. Let whatever you have burdening your hearts go. You CAN be free from past hurts. You ARE LOVED by God who made you. Stop sinning towards yourselves and REPENT.
You are loved and cared for. You CAN be you, the way you were born, they way you are naturally.
You Don’t have to be this way to get acceptance and love.
Believe in Jesus, because He will lead you out of the darkest valley of pain, and to the waters where you can get rest! He will lift you up if you decide to accept Him as your savior!
I fell into medical depression before, and took meds, saw shrinks. But it was when I stopped all of it and turned to God and told Him” I will no longer please the world, or want their love. I need you, Lord,” that He completely healed me! Hallelujah!
May God bless you all. May you turn to Him! He REALLY is REAL!
He loves you!
-Right, Jen K- I just wanted to reply, also-
Encouraging your lover to stop worrying about his her looks, because you love your lover no matter how they look? Awesome.
Encouraging them to replace their habits with less healthy habits, whether to become thinner or fatter or anything, is not a very loving act. Overeating and under-exercising, as well as undereating and over-exercising, is an extremely dangerous and potentially lethal behavior.
Sure, hitting your wife is abuse. Burning your husband is abuse. That’s called physical abuse. Psychological abuse is also in the ISC, is also real abuse, and includes a lot of things about diminishing the power of the significant other. Donna’s husband might not be denying her his affection if she doesn’t overeat, but feederism is a fetish where there is a high danger for that kind of behavior, and where emotionally vulnerable people are very liable to make themselves mortally obese to please their feeders. It’s a situation that can escalate into something with difficult-to-reverse (and even deadly) consequences too easily for many to feel they can condone it, myself included.
(And yes, it’s a real name for a real fetish with a sizeable community.)
Donna could easily have subscribed herself to the desires of her weight-gain-fetishistic husband (maybe even others like him, like in weight-gain fetishistic communities), believing that by giving them what they wanted, she would have what she wanted (perhaps to feel attractive and desired). Basing your needs/desires/self-image/anything on the opinions of those around you is not childish, it’s TOTALLY human. I think that IF her desires to gain weight WERE born out of a problem like this one, though, she probably should look a lot closer at herself before she keeps up with such a dangerous activity.
And my feelings…
It’s difficult to know where to draw the line. Sure, you wanna do something you know is gonna make you die real soon? It’s your body, you have the right to kill it.
Having a mom who is immobilized by her own weight, or who is killing herself by getting fat, because mamma thinks it’s hot to get so fat? A mother who is so immobilized, she can’t come to your soccer game or dance recital or wedding?
A mother who is dead?
It’s just stupid and irresponsible to engage in nearly-suicidal acts- for something so small as fame and sexual gratification- when you have something so huge as your beloved children depending on you.
So, sure, it’s Donna’s life, but.. What she is doing is dangerous and irresponsible, and should not be encouraged.
* And I wanted to add.. This just occurred to me:
I feel like people like Donna let their fetish control them, let it invade their lives so much that other important things become secondary, like they’ve got a drug addiction. That’s the difference between what I can and can’t condone / encourage.
Feederism, or any fetish, for that matter, could be like having a glass of wine at dinner, or it could be like binge drinking every weekend.
Has anyone stopped to consider the fact that Donna Simpson just doesn’t give a damn what the rest of you think and only wants to live her life, her way? I see nothing wrong with what she is allegedly trying to do with her life and just because she has kids it doesn’t attach some kid of higher moral authority over her. Whoever says she can’t be a good mother simply because she is fat is simply expressing there own fear disguised as concern for “the poor chillldren” and by doing so are committing the oldest social infraction in the book by sticking there noses where it doesn’t belong. My wife and I have a similar relationship and we have faced similar criticism from family, friends and strangers alike. It is extremely frustrating and comical all at the same time when people who don’t even know you lay judgments on you based on their own narrow view of life experiences. My wife and I have had a feeder/feeder relationship for more than 12 years and even though she weighs in excess of 600lbs she is probably a more attentive mother to our 3 children than most mothers less than a third her size. She always puts the needs of our children before her own and never once has she ever shirked her duties as a responsible and loving mother. It irks me no end when people try to criticize her or I simply because she likes to eat and has no problem being fat or gaining weight. It’s absolutely reprehensible that all the stupid people of this world seem to feel that everyone should come out of some kind of cookie cutter mold and that the slightest variation from what is considered the norm is looked upon with distain, pity and intolerance.
Furthermore Donna Simpson is no different than a mom who smokes drives excessively fast or has one of myriad dangerous habits. The only reason she is getting this kind of attention is the fact that she is fat. Even in the 21st century and despite being a majority of people in the US, the overweight are still looked at from a viewpoint of medieval morality propagated by a medical and diet industry that makes billions in profit off of peoples insecurities. The very fact that Donna Simpson issue has caused such a stir on the internet is proof that people have nothing better to do but to revel in useless news stories that don’t amount to a hill of beans, all because they are too stupid to face the actual important issues of the day. In other words who cares if Mrs. Simpson weighs in at 600lbs or 6000lbs so long as she is happy and her children are properly cared for, her weight or how much she eats should be no ones business but her own.
donna must have some kind of illliness or she probably has depreesion or whatever.
I admit I am a little bit fat too but I do watch myself too, an I do like big women but some one like her is just retarded.
An she is slowly putting herself too death, if some one like try too hang her self, the rope mite just break, etc.
This women kind of reminds me of the episode King Size Homer from the simpsons(season 7), picture her trying too get behind the wheel in her car? Her tires might just be flat, just like on that episode where homer tried too save the plant from explostion.
What is Donna going to do once she reaches her goal(if she
doesn’t die first)? Will she try to set the all time weight loss
record; or will she try to be the heaviest person of all time?
It wouldn’t surprise me if she did porn (since ive seen her
on fat sites all over the internet-wearing a bikini or naked.
Whatever the case STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!!!
It is people decision.
I am fat, I love it.
I’m 820 lbs.
I smoke a lot.
I smoke weed.
I drink 4 shots vodka a day.
I drink 6-12 beers a day.
I sniff one line of cocaine a week,
I pray to god to stay alive.
I drink a glass of transfat a day.
I eat 13,000 calories a day.
I’m happy, partially immobile but I don’t need to walk because I sat on my chair infront of my computer searching the net for news about my environment skepticism and transfat clog arteries skepticism.
I am from NS Canada, I’m 60 yrs and still alive.
Donnie
very well thought-through article.
i agree that if donna’s husband would really care for her he wouldn’t encourage her to do unhealthy things.
on the one hand i do believe there is a ‘fat-scare’ going on right now, vastly overrating the costs and health-problems of being even a little bit fat, but on the other hand i also believe that donna’s weight (combined with her total lack of exercise) just isn’t healthy. lots of the health-problems commonly ascribed to ‘obesity’ seem to actually originate more in ‘lack of exercise’.
while i think she actually has a point when she insists ‘if i were really that unhealthy i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant’ (a common problem for smoking women: their fertility is often that of a woman 20 years older), i also do think she should try to loose weight to the point that she can walk again.
you are one of the few people who seems to understand that telling her that she’s an ugly lazy sow, or threatening to take her children away, will only drive her closer towards her (abusive) husband.
This woman and other people who are the victims of feederism, need to recognize that they are being abused by their supposed loved ones or distant online admirers. Donna Simpson is clearly a lovely and good person but deluded, maybe due to some traumatic past event that she may not even remember. Many of us feel so sad about how Donna and others who are victims of feederism live their lives. In a perfect world, the perpetrators of feederism should be considered criminals and given just punishment. They are no better than child molesters. They are abusers who due to personal shortcomings, get their rocks off of controlling another human being to the point where that human being cannot perform normal bodily functions. This is no different than any kind of personal imprisonment. God Bless the victims of feederism and may Hell and Damnation fall upon the evil perpetrators of this deadly addiction.
most men do not like fat girls in fact i am continuously made fun of when i get fat. So i probably think a lot of guys who visit this site will find her ‘not attractive’ (better than putting the bad words (disgusting) – today body image is so important and also it reflects your health… if i gain more weight i am subject to diabetes , which sometimes kills. isn’t she monitored by doctors? i visit the hospital every now and then because no offence overweight is not healthy so it is necessary to visit every 4 or so months to see yoru health status if you are overweight. i hope she can realize what harm she is doing to her health and at least try to diet down.
Donna has been the subject of much controversy, and I understand why. I am Kit of StuffingKit.com, And I am A proud Feedee. Donna is indeed a gainer, But she may not be a “feedee”.
Feederism is a SEXUAL fetish. I gain sexual gratification from being fed, eating gratuitous amounts of food, and Gaining weight. I have had this kink for as long as I can remember, and despite my efforts to change it or ignore I am unable to live a fulfilling life without it. That doesn’t mean I throw caution and reason to the wind. Honestly immobility(What Donna is ultimately seeking) is sexy in fantasy, but I am unwilling to sacrifice my life for something I lust after. As it stands my quality of life isn’t affected by feederism, in fact as hard as it is to imagine for the average Joe, Feederism ENHANCES my quality of life.
To: Donna Simpson who is obviously trying to get recognition in a wrong way:
5-4-3-2-1 Times up , your gross, now get out, your 15 minutes is over
Hello America,
Do you think she was abused as a child ?
One thing I would like to know, how come she does not
get problems with “children protection”?
What does she answer when asked about her child future? I am curious, she is ruining her child’s life
there is nô way she can give us an answer to that.
To me, It’s like prostitution, I think prostitution has a
purpose, wether you like it or not.
Actually, I would nô have written if this woman had nô child. You’re free to do what you Want with tour own life, but stay alone In that nightmare.
(sorry for my english…)
Merci for reading me 🙂
Feederism is not abuse.
Saying that a feeder is forcing a woman to become fat for his desires and ignoring hers is like saying that a relationship is just one man and not his spouse. Feedees are not people that are used by feeders because of their sick sexual desires — feedees are people who want to be fat. Who love being fat. Who love eating and who want this as much as the feeder. If they’re being forced into this in any way, yes, it’s abuse. But I think if a feedee is not just willing but will never be happy unless she makes herself fat, then why not be fat? It’s very possible to be healthy and overweight if your diet is balanced (besides being larger than usual) and you exercise regularly. What would you do if someone suddenly told you that it was abuse for a man to have sex with a woman because the man was using her? Not necessarily. Unless it’s rape, in many cases, that woman wants sex too. And once the sex is over, she’s probably pretty darn happy. When mutually wanted, sex makes both people happy.
Feederism does too.
Open up your minds. There’s nothing wrong with us.
Thank you for this article – after reading a bit about Donna Simpson from more mainstream media sources, I’m happy to see a more considered opinion piece. I love that you refer to the fat acceptance movement and discuss the fetish aspect of this, as most other responses to this simply fall victim to the knee-jerk “fat = disgusting” point of view.
I think your analysis in terms of size acceptance is spot on. Size acceptance isn’t about glorifying fat, but rather about promoting body autonomy, which is clearly being infringed upon here. And it’s nice to see you refer to Health at Every Size, which should be the focus for Donna, rather than specifically losing weight. I wish other news articles wrote about this story in terms of health rather than size, or at least found some way to separate the two.
I do think that the fetish aspect of this could use some better and more indepth analysis. You write well about the culture of size acceptance, but I don’t think you’ve adequately looked into the culture of fetish and kink. As somebody quite interested and involved in fetish and kink, I understand that people do have very specific desires, so I don’t exactly want to vilify those who are interested in feederism for their fetish alone. Their kink itself does not make them morally corrupt. I think it becomes problematic in how it is practiced.
The mantra of fetish and kink communities is SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). I think we should first of all be asking Donna if the feeder/feedee relationship she had was entirely consensual, because if not then that is a problem. It would be interesting to know if the fetish is hers, or if she was in fact merely allowing her body to be the instrument for the fetishistic pleasure of others. If it is also her fetish, I think to call it a “mental illness” as many news sources have done is somewhat disrespectful. In any case, if we allow her to have body autonomy, then her involvement in this
Nevertheless, where this all goes awry is with the criterion of “safe”. Even though feederists have a fetish, I don’t think it is in fact safe to practice it in the extreme because of the associated health risks with overconsumption of calories. This is where I worry. Nevertheless, I suppose some feederists may find ways in which to be safe and still enjoy their kink. At the same time, even though it may be unsafe in some situations, if it is all consensual, there is no reason to try to deny people body autonomy and the right to make their own decisions, however unhealthy, in regards to their form.
Still, it’s all very blurry. It’s interesting to consider at the very least. My concern is attributing the appropriate respect to people’s kink and fetishes rather than immediately branding them abusive (even though they may manifest in that way in some cases), and also dealing with fat bodies appropriately, which is what you have done.
Thank you for your article.
Michelle
This was my marriage:
My exhusband would do whatever he wanted, often knowing that what he was doing was going to upset me.
I would get upset and he would say “Oh, I didn’t know that was going to be a problem. I would never want to upset you.”
Then he would feed me and I would think he was truly sorry, and we would have sex.
And I wouldn’t be upset with him anymore. And he would have gotten away with doing whatever he wanted, and getting me to have sex with him again – for the second or third time that week.
Took me 20 years to figure out that he had known all along the things he had done were going to upset me. By that point I had gained 130 lbs.
Is that “Feederism”? I don’t know. But it definitely was abuse.
I am fortunate that I was finally given the strength I needed to get out. But the health consequences remain.
Donna Simpson needs help – whether she realizes it or not at this point. She should not be condemned. I hope that she is fortunate enough to be given the strength I was fortunate enough to recieve.
There is another aspect to consider when discussing excess weight that is rarely mentioned.
What happens when someone who is obese falls and cannot back up on his/her own, or is involved in an vehicle accident and is trapped, or house is on fire and unable to move? That means that there has to be people to assist him/her.
Even with the best use of lifting techniques, rescuers and/or first responders are at risk of injury when lifting anyone, and that risk is increased by the heavier the person being rescued is.
When someone breaks a leg, that means having to receive hospital care for at least two days. For people who are overweight, that puts the nursing staff, tech staff, and X-ray staff at added risk of injury in trying to assist with the needed care.
It isn’t just the health of the individual involved, it also includes rescuers and healthcare providers if there is a need.
Ok~ this is just one example of a particular type of kink/fetish gone super extreme (it’s also not unlikely Simpson experiences other types of compulsion), AND it’s important to note that those who are into this are actually very rare in the kink/fetish communities (there’s a grand total of only 50 on fetlife, so in a way this article is just more sensationalism…). Most who are involved in kink/fetish practice pretty exacting ideological standards and social ethics which are safe, sane, consensual, and concurrent with R.A.C.K. (risk aware consensual kink).
One of those standards is consideration through careful negotiation of the dynamics of a scene in the awareness that, to some degree, what effects one may effect the many (E pluribus unum), this is not a new concept, and it’s a trademark for personal and collective responsibility. That being said, the costs of particular behaviors (among other elements) specifically should first be weighed in the light of what they may cost the participants physically, mentally, and e-motionally; as well as any potential costs to society. Given the astronomical price of medical attention that Simpson will no doubt be needing in the near to immediate future; the behavior of this couple would not be considered R.A.C.K., and these people’s behaviors also should not reflect poorly on those who may participate in alternative lyfestyle activities, or on kink and fetish activity in general.
It’s not just the fat advocates who may receive negative press with this (literal) one. And frankly, kink and fetish is MUCH more stigmatized than weight (or lack thereof). Perhaps it’s equally disturbing they are being shunned by the fat advocates, and that reduces the chance either of them would be able to get the help they may need, since a well known characteristic of the abusive cycle is: it alienates, instead of enhancing quality connections in the exchange of energy dynamics.
This has been the accepted behavior in our society for decades: Would we be this quick to dismiss the dangers of this dynamic if a man was encouraging his female partner to lose weight because he enjoyed the gaunt look?