A lot of cultural trends are no fun at all, but the older woman/younger man trend, as showcased in this year’s A Family Affair and The Idea of You is actually pretty fun to talk about.
Both of these films, the former with Nicole Kidman and the latter with Anne Hathaway, the goddesses of my own misspent youth, came out earlier this year, but I started thinking about them again now that it’s been announced that Margot Robbie and Jacob Elordi will be starring in a new film adaptation of Wuthering Heights (by Emerald Fennell – because who else could attempt this right now?).
Robbie is a scarce 34 to Elordi’s 27, but already some people are calling it a “cougar” type of pairing. Seven years? That’s for amateurs. Though I guess in a film industry that more traditionally pairs older men with younger women, it’s something to talk about.
I’ve written about age-gap discourse for this esteemed publication before, so you already know I’m biased. Since my divorce years ago, my dating experiences with younger men have been much more positive and wholesome than those with men my age and older.
This has naturally horrified my family, with my brother demanding, “HOW OLD IS HE?” if I do as much as mention that some cool guy helped me find the right kettlebell at the gym. I come from a culture where dating younger men is simply not the done thing, with the assumption that they are only after your money (being a writer instead of a girl boss is helpful in that regard, I guess).
For me, dating a guy closer to my own age is the ideal, but for an elder millennial, cool guys your own age can be a rare find, which is why I suspend all judgment and pretty much date whoever I find attractive and interesting at the moment. So it was interesting to me that both A Family Affair and The Idea of You are not about dating per se, these are films about capital “L” Love.
The thing about love is that it’s like luck – it’s angelic and random. And therefore terrifying (Wuthering Heights is a good example of the terror of love). When love strikes, we are helpless. So it makes sense that in this great and strange world, an older woman might love a younger man, and vice versa. The less women’s appeal is tied to our age – thank you, neurotoxins and gym regimens, not to mention the greater freedom to make your choices while living as female – the more it’s going to happen. Movies are honestly just the start.
Both A Family Affair and The Idea of You involve successful, smart, and a little bit haunted women being wooed by younger male celebrities, and could therefore be easily dismissed as a kind of fanfiction. At the same time, I lived through the golden age of Judd Apatow, wherein an aimless guy played by Seth Rogen scored with a driven and stunning woman played by Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up and got her to commit to him. A lot of movies about sex and love have that fanfiction aspect. It’s part of what makes them fun.
While I don’t think that dating younger men, or even falling in love with younger men, is some great taboo anymore, I also have a lot of female friends who are my own age and divorced, and I always tell them that they can date younger guys if they please, and they always seem horrified.
Maybe it’s just the circle of people I run in – lots of talented, idealistic women who like to overthink things – or maybe it’s because one can date younger guys but one shouldn’t talk about it, but either way, it’s nice to have a couple of fun movies I can now reference while making my case.
Of course if I’m being truly honest, there’s one other person who’d be horrified by these films, and this trend, and that’s my younger self. Back in my youth, I was even scandalized by the fact that my beloved and regal Nicole Kidman had married a much shorter Tom Cruise.
I had a lot of funny ideas about men and women, is what I’m saying. Letting go of them, with the help of pop culture and without, has been an interesting journey to take.